Naps

Now I know my kids are not secretly sleep hating masterminds determined to destroy each other’s naps, but the results of their efforts might lead someone to give them more credit than they are due.

My little girl being less than a year old needs multiple naps a day.  This gives her brother plenty of opportunity to notice a quiet moment and fill the silence with his ill-timed noisy antics.  And it seems that though he could be noisy at any time of day he prefers to up the volume of his play when I’m trying to let the baby take a nap.

Now my son, being 3 years old, only takes one nap a day.   It feels important, and it feels like a gift when I can get my daughter to nap while my son takes his only nap of the day.  But my son is not the only one who fails to show any respect for the naps of others.  My little girl can go from drinking milk to screaming in the time it takes to take a breath.  This can, as one might expect, wake my son. 

Now my son does not take well to having his nap time interrupted.  If artificially woken from a nap my son more likely than not will cry, and not just a little.  He can spend approximately half an hour after being woken up from a nap, being absolutely inconsolable.

All these naps missed or mucked up can be hard on a caregiver. It’s just a lot easier to decompress and take a moment for one’s self when the children are sleeping.  Me time is important for mental health, but it feels selfish beyond reason to take that time when the kids are awake.   Even when my husband is home and playing with the kids, I still feel a little guilty for asking him to take over kid watching while I do things like take a shower or a nap or anything else I might want to do but can’t with children awake and underfoot.  Silly as it may be to admit it, the idea of delegating my kid watching responsibilities, even for a short period of time, makes me feel guilty.

This lack of both kids napping at the same time is sadly the main reason for the sporadic and random updates from me.

But let’s face it.  When the kids are awake they need me to play with them, read them stories, feed them…. You get the idea; right now all the mom things that make up daily life take precedence over blogging.

Trick or Treat?

I was a little nervous about taking my kids to trick or treat this year.  And not because I suspect my neighbors of wanting to give out “bad candy” or anything like that.

 No my concern was my 3 year-old son, who has gotten progressively worse at following directions would be a little monster or that my baby girl would get scared of the spooky decorations.  But to my amazement, once he understood what the game was, he became a well behaved trick or treater!  He was able to say “trick or treat” and “thank you” at each house.   And when he was able to tell what other kids were dressed up as he would say things like “Hi ghost!” or “Hello Spooky Witch!”

Talk about adorable!

And my little girl was mostly chill.  Well, she did cry when anyone in costume tried to talk to her… but other than that she was good with being in the stroller for a good chunk of our walk and then she was good being held for the rest of the mini adventure.

There was one overwhelming point when a large herd of children all converged on the same house that my son was climbing the stairs of.  He made it to the top landing just as the mass of elementary school kids knocked on the door and shoved passed him for candy.  But my son didn’t seem to put off by being jostled by older children and once they had cleared out the lady giving out candy gave him one of her glow bracelets which really made my son’s night.  “It’s beautiful” he said over and over.  It’s kind of amazing what a big impression a little light can make on a small child.

After a while my son was more interested in checking out what was in his bag than adding to it, so we let him have a lollipop and made our way back home,  albeit trick or treating along the way, but we made it with minimal fuss.

All and all I feel fairly good about the idea of doing this again next year.

No Mommy!

It’s kind of amazing to me just how hard small children will fight against things that are beneficial. 

Neither my son nor daughter wants anything to do with having their noses wiped.  We all have runny noses.  As the adult in the story I’m the only one who wants to use a tissue. 

My three year old son is quick to run his sleeve against his face after he sneezes leaving a disgusting trail of snot not only on his shirt but across his cheek.  When he see me approach with a tissue he either runs away or curls up into a ball hiding his face from me.

My 8 month old daughter not to be left out will sneeze and then giggle as she blows mucus bubbles out her nose.  When I pull out a tissue for her, she cannot escape.  This is not for lack of trying.  She alternates between flailing like a fish out of water and a super-dense limp noodle seeking to aid gravity in her quest to go from my lap to the floor.  (I do not drop the baby, she can try as hard to throw herself on her head as she likes, it’s not happening on my watch.)  When I finally succeed at cleaning her face she acts like her nose has been amputated.

Never mind the fact that my children can noticeably breathe better once my intervention is complete.  They think they don’t want it done.

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Now this sort of struggle continues with damn near everything!

Other parents who have been there look on with sympathetic eyes and offer encouragement and tell me that I’m not alone.  People who have never had kids frequently look on as if I’m a Disney Villain on a quest to make my own children unhappy. (Which as far as quests go would be amazingly stupid. I mean I’m around them all day every day.  And you can just guess how much I enjoy the sound of screaming.)

Out numbered

It’s funny but before I had my second child my mind never fully processed that by having two kids I would be out numbered.  I have a lovely husband who is a fantastic dad.  But as fantastic as he is he still has to go to work, leaving me home with the kids.  Two kids one me…  On an average day it can be difficult but I can handle it. 

But what about on days when the kids and I are sick?

Super mom I may sometimes feel like.  But when I’m sick and the kids are sick at the same time, it is time for me to call in reinforcements!

Trying to feed a sick baby while my toddler needs to go to the bathroom and I feel like an extra in a zombie movie is a recipe for disaster. 

My preferred lifeline is of course my husband as he is the only person not me who can currently hold my daughter without her screaming in terror. (Some people have children that seem to lack a sense of stranger danger, but my children have enough to make up for those who have none.)

My son was two before he was actually cool with being watched at home by family while I was out.  My daughter is currently eight months old and screams when other people try to touch her, even while I’m holding her.

My mother and my brother are also good reinforcements when days are rough even if the only kid they can help out with is the older one.  That is better than nothing!  He’s easy to play with, so having someone take him to go be noise in the next room while I try to nurse a sick baby to sleep is truly a gift.

What about good days when no one is sick?

Those I can manage on my own.  I’ll admit that even good days can leave me feeling frazzled at the end of the day.  But as a super mom, I make it work.  I have found that I can in fact do most things while holding a baby.  Which is good because my baby really likes to be held and isn’t shy about letting me know how little she likes being put down to play with her toys if I’m going to wander a whole five feet away to help her brother with something.

I’m back

It’s hard to fully express just how bad sleep deprivation is for one’s ability to remember. Last week one of my online friends asked me when I would get back to writing in my blog.  I clicked on my profile and saw a link to a blog that I had completely forgotten about.

So I started reading what I wrote…  It all looked good to me… ok so I noticed a few words missing here and there.  But other than that I’m happy with it.

So here I am again talking to you.  About what it’s like to be a mom while my baby sleeps in my lap. 

But this time the baby in my lap is a little girl.  The little boy from earlier is sitting on the floor telling nursery rimes to his toy dinosaur.

I feel like my ability to focus has gone down while my awareness has gone up.  Which I guess is a good thing as I now have two children to watch over.  Children who will attempt to do very different dangerous things, at random intervals.

My now 3 year-old son will try to climb things he shouldn’t.  And my 8 month old daughter will try to grab things that are not good for someone as young as her.

So right now I don’t know how often I will be able to take the time to type.  But I’m going to give this blog another go and post when I can.  I do enjoy writing these.  Wow… talk about a sentence I never would have seen coming from me when I was child in school.  I’m dyslexic and in elementary school reading and writing were activities that were painful for me.  But by the time I was in high school reading was my favorite form of escapism.  Now that school is behind me I finally want to do what my parents always told me I should do when I was younger, keep a diary. 

The ever constant march of time does a real number on my sense of perspective and motherhood has created a drastic shift in my priorities.

Now I wouldn’t dream of generalizing my experience to everyone.  But I can tell you what I have experienced.  And share my truth with you.

I remember before I had kids a father told me: “All the bad things they say about having kids are true times ten.  But all the good things they say about having kids are true times one-hundred.”  

And I’ve got to say: sometimes, when times are rough it’s hard to even imagine that times were ever good or will be good again.  But when times are good it’s easy to forget that times were ever bad.  

maternity leave

I find myself increasingly tired as I become more pregnant and I find my son increasingly energetic as he gets older.  So I no longer have the time or inclination to keep writing on a daily basis.  I might start again next year depending on how I feel.

Wish me luck.

Bye.

Long car trips

Taking a child on a long car trip is an adventure that depending on the age of the child and the length of the car trip could be a hellish endeavor not worth attempting or a way to force family to spend quality time together with minimal distractions.

For children two-years-old and younger a long car trip is an hour or two and is best survived if you begin the trip around the same time that you would normally begin nap time.  That way your child falls asleep in the car (hopefully early into the trip) and with any luck stays asleep for the entire trip.  When all goes to plan you have a sleeping baby and the car ride can be pleasant.  But be warned if your child wakes up during the car ride you will have problems.

First thing my diaper clad son does when he wakes up is pee.  Which is cool for potty training purposes, he wakes up I sit him on the potty, win.  This is a lame deal when he wakes up in the car.  He wakes up, pees his diaper, and cries.  So then we need to take the next exit find a good place to park and take him out of the car seat and change his diaper.  So far so good.  But once he is freed from the car seat, he has no interest in returning to his car seat.  He will cry and do everything he physically can to make it difficult to buckle him back into his seat.

So great now we have a crying baby and many miles still to go.  This sounds bad. (It feels bad.)  But then you remember, babies have a short attention span.  And if you can make a sufficient distraction your baby will forget why crying was a thing and maybe wiggle to the music instead of being miserable.  Which I feel makes the whole car ride better for everyone involved.  Just remember getting angry at your child is likely only going to make the situation worse.  Your kid was unhappy you don't want to make them scared in addition, how will the crying ever stop?

Be happy, have a good time, and with any luck your child will follow your lead.

Older kids while still not enthusiastic about long car rides can be given diversions to help make the ride more bearable.  You knowing your child(ren) know best what to hand them to make happiness a reality.  As your children get older, car rides can get longer, but remember children have smaller bladders than adults.  I recommend a rest stop every two hours or so.  Of course you would pull off sooner if your child requests a bathroom break.  Nobody wants to be in a car were an accident took place.

Babysitting

It's hard to say who babysitting  is harder on when it's the first time you let your first child enter the care of someone else while you go off to do what ever it is that you couldn't really bring a baby along for. (Especially if you are a stay at home mom.)  You and your baby have an understanding of sorts, the baby needs things and you do your best to fulfill these needs.  When some one else is left in charge, your baby is going to have to deal with the fact that you are not there!

As a baby, that has got to be scary, if you have no command of language and don't understand why mommy is gone!  You need things!  And now there is some one else trying to give you what you need?  Nooooooo! Mommy or Daddy do these things!  Why is some one else trying to do the things that Mommy and Daddy do?  I want my Mommy! I want my Daddy!

You get the idea.  It's not easy on the baby who's world you've just given a paradigm shift.  Guess who else it's not easy on.  The baby sitter!  Baby sitting is not generally thought of as a hard job.  I remember as an older child taking care of younger children with out incident.  But there is a big difference in being in charge of someone who you can have a functional dialogue with and a baby.  Yes you can tell the baby what's going on, and explain that mom and dad will return after their movie is over, but the baby will not understand.  The baby will be upset.  And it can be stressful spending a couple hours with someone who is vocally unhappy with the situation and needs constant distraction to keep the tears at bay.

The first time I let my son be babysat, I had my mother and brother tag team the babysitting game.  My son was in the capable hands of not one but two adults that he had spent time with before.  (Granted I was also there but at least he knew these people.)  My husband and I went to see a movie, by the time the credits began to roll I was a ball of nervous energy.  I physically could not make myself sit through the credits,  I had to get home to my baby.

He had just woken up moments before our car rolled into the driveway and we could hear him crying through the door.  Delirious happy is how my son could be described when he saw me come in the door.  And quick as a flash I had him cuddled up in my arms his tiny hands gripping my shirt with all their might.

Since then babysitting has been easier on everyone involved.   My son is happier to spend time with his extended family while I'm away, and I don't worry so much while he is out of my sight.  He still doesn't really want to take a nap without me, but then again he doesn't really want to take a nap while I'm home.  I'm just able to out last an obviously tired child in a battle of wills.

So take heart new parents, dates with your spouse can still happen even once you've entered the realm of parenthood.  You just have to plan ahead a little more than you used to.

Maternity Clothes

Maternity clothes tend to have an impressive amount of fabric and/or an impressive amount of stretch.  But when do you actually need to make the switch from your normal clothes to the maternity collection?  Well for me, I noticed the bones in my hips shifting before I started "showing".  And so my first pregnancy I had to deal with inane questions from my mother in-law like "Why do you need maternity pants?  You're not showing!" (said like an accusation).  Well I need maternity pants because even though you don't see a bump, there is still no way in hell my regular pants are going to button up anymore which is why I'm out shopping in yoga pants.

It is a mistake to go maternity shopping with anyone who is going to be less than kind about the sensitive subject of weight.  If your pregnant you don't need anyone around who is going to make you feel fat, the baby to be is doing enough of that and does not require assistance in that field.  That said, no you are not fat, you are pregnant, some people show sooner than others, some moms carry "in" while others carry "out" and then there is high or low.  Basically what I'm saying is there is a lot of variation in the realm of healthy and normal.  So even if you and your best friend got knocked up on the same night, you would not be guaranteed to look equally round through the course of pregnancy.

Don't feel bad if you need to jump into maternity clothes relatively early in your pregnancy.  And don't feel jipped that you don't get to wear your cute new maternity clothes for very long  if it takes you longer to get to the point where you need to wear them.

Basically you know you need maternity clothes, when the clothes you have begin to feel uncomfortable.  That said once they do start to feel tight go shopping right away, or you may find yourself making unusual clothing choices out of necessity when you finally do go clothing shopping.  Your husband's sweat pants may be fun to wear around the house, but do you want that to be your only option for walking out the door when you are going out into public?

Though how nuts you go with your maternity clothes shopping might be influenced by how many times you think you are going to be pregnant, I still recommend at least two different sets of maternity pants, two dresses and a handful of shirts to keep you decent.

And on the other side, postpartum, don't let anyone tell you when you need to stop wearing these big comfy clothes.  It took a while to gain the weight, it will take some time to lose it.  You gain more weight than the baby so that you can remain healthy while you breast feed.  I found my appetite drop significantly after the baby came out.  But that said a week after the baby was out I looked at my self and thought "well I look less pregnant".  Don't get me wrong I did lose the weight, it just wasn't over night.  If you're breast feeding the baby will literally eat your excess calories.  And that can make you more tired than a trip to the gym, which is fine because if you breast feed you are burning more calories than you probably would have at the gym anyway.

Foods and nonfoods

Small children seem to have a love of putting anything but food into their mouths.  Much to the dismay of moms everywhere. I want him to eat a nice steamed carrot, he wants to eat a nice red crayon.  I want him to eat a muffin and some eggs he wants to eat a book.  And on and on it goes.  When we had a birthday party and I offered him a cupcake, thinking we could take some cute messy photos, he wanted nothing to do with it.  I mean yes he poked it and flipped it upside down but out of all the things he tried to do with this cupcake, tasting it wasn't on the list.

It sometimes feels like kids have this innate backwards understanding of what to put into their mouths.  If it's food it will not pass the lips.  If it is not a food a solid effort will be made to chow down.  He tries to eat paper, I tell him no.  I try to feed him an apple slice, he tells me no.

Now I feel like the subject of Edvard Much's famous painting The Scream.

I'm not saying that my son doesn't eat solid foods, he does... sometimes.  He's just exceptionally picky, even by my pregnant-lady standards.  Needless to say meal times have become difficult in this house.  At least we can still both agree on butternut-squash-soup, but I refuse to let that be the only thing we eat.  I need a little more variety than that.

And what really gets me, is when I make food for him because I've seen him happily eat it a few days ago, and he will not even try it today.  This whole food thing bothers me to no end.  If we didn't need it to survive I would have washed my hands of it long ago.  Who needs this level of aggravation three times a day, everyday?

I don't feel like playing twenty questions every meal to find out what my son will take a few bites of and then lose all interest in.  And why is the food on my plate more interesting to him than the food on his plate?  It's the same food!  I just wanted eat something without my son playing with it first, is that so much to ask?  Apparently it is.  Some days I wait to eat until he's taking a nap so that I don't have to deal with his need to play with my food while I eat.

This sadly isn't always an option as there have been days where he skips his afternoon nap, much to my dismay.  I'll put him in his day bed, and do the whole naptime ritual with him, and he will look like he's about to fall asleep, for about half an hour.  Then he bounces up and wants to play or have a snack and what ever I was planning on doing during his normal two hour nap is now not going to happen.  Which is extra lame when I was hoping to use the time for food preparation.  Because now what are we going to eat?!!?!?  Ugh, I guess there is always cereal.

A little percussion

We took a trip to visit my father over the weekend and we looked at my son and thought, hey he's finally old enough to play with some of the musical instruments in the house.  (Now we didn't point him at the guitar or violin, we are not that crazy.)  My father pulled down some of the percussion section from his top shelf and placed it on the floor.

I handed my son a drum stick and had him sit in a semicircle of instruments that he could hit.  There was a gong, chimes, a tambourine and a bongo.  I gave him one brief demonstration of how each thing could be hit with a drum stick and let him go for it.  He had the idea right away and spent the next fifteen minutes hitting the instruments as he had been shown in a random order.  This went over better than I thought it would.  Fifteen minutes feels like an incredible amount of time for a small child to have focused on a single task without additional parental encouragement.

Of course it was only a matter of time before he felt the need to explore the items beyond the parameters of the initial demonstration.  He picked up the bongos and turned them upside down and tested out what happens when you try to put the drumstick inside.  Then the tambourine was turned over, this was a little more exciting than turning the bongos over because he flipped the tambourine back and forth a few times before investigating it while it was upside down with the drum stick.  He was clearly unimpressed when he flipped the chimes over.  And it was not physically possible for him to turn over the large wall mounted gong so he settled for simply pushing it into the wall.

After this he handed me the drumstick and wandered off.  Apparently it was time to chase my sister's cat.  (Thankfully the cat chose flight over fight when it came to dealing with an over enthusiastic toddler.)

It's weird.  After hiding from toys that make noise I feel oddly compelled to seek out more musical instruments for my son to play with.  I like to think that it's simply because these things are not electronic noise makers that once activated go on for a miniature eternity with electronic "music" that I have more patience for them.  But I think the real reason is that I have more interest in playing with musical instruments myself, than baby toys that make noise.