If there was a way to cash in all the naps I intentionally skipped over the course of my life I would be one well rested mama. I was the kid who didn't want to nap, the teen who didn't sleep in, and the adult who couldn't nap if I wanted to.
But pregnancy can disrupt sleep in a way that I find more frustrating than the way a baby disrupts my sleep. At least when a baby wakes you up something important needs to be done for someone you love. When you are pregnant waking up in the middle of the night to pee feels grossly unfair (especially if you still occasionally have to wake up at night to assist your baby who has just peed).
I frequently find myself wanting just one more hour to sleep. And only when I am really lucky does that happen. I find my self anticipating my son's naps and feeling unreasonably sad when he skips one. It makes me wish that hiring help was an option for my family.
It's frustrating when people who are not parents act like being a stay at home mom isn't work. All I can think is, are they insane? It is a 24/7 job with no breaks. And if you have anything less than a good attitude the world assumes you are a terrible person. If the baby cries people look at you like you are doing it wrong. And if you cry their are only condescending looks to be spared.
Which makes being a mom who has one child and one on the way a sanity sapping struggle. When I was pregnant the first time around I occasionally found myself crying for no discernible reason. Now that I'm taking care of some one else all day pregnancy induced emotional episodes seem selfish and even more out of place than they did the first time around.
At least when I was pregnant with kid number one, if I felt emotionally out of it, I didn't have to deal with people. I could just go hide in my bedroom and no one would bother me. Hiding is no longer an option. And sympathy for how hard it is to be pregnant is significantly less the second time around.
People seem to think, "well you asked for it" to which the only reply is "shut up!" or possibly "I hate you!" because if you are the kind of jerk who is going to tell me "You asked for it" while I am having an emotional struggle you can go die in a fire or play on the freeway for all I care.
Yes I want to be a mom. Yes I knew it would be hard. Yes it is hard. No I don't wish I had made a different decision... Unless you are talking about choosing a friend who would eventually be an asshole to me while I was pregnant, in which case, yes I wish I had the foresight to know which friends would be awesome to have while doing the mom thing and which ones I would feel happier never interacting with ever again.
Because I've got to say, nothing shows you who your real friends are like going through a life changing event. And really I only have time to deal with people who will be cool with a sleep deprived me.
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