Listening

Listening is often confused with hearing.  And while you can use your ability to hear in your listening efforts you should also use your ability to see and when applicable your sense of smell and even touch. (but please don't lick anyone)

You may hear your child cry, but if you are not listening you will have no clue as to why.  Babies may not have formal language skills but they can and do communicate their wants and needs.  Body language and facial expressions can tell you a lot if only you care enough to pay attention.

Seeing a child reach for an object is just as telling as seeing them ignore or retreat from something.  The context of the situation matters as well.  If your child is uncomfortable in their surroundings it will show.  And it will be up to you, the adult in the story to make the judgment call of what is currently more important:  Your child's happiness or being in the place your child does not want to be.  Sometimes when it's a social thing my child's wishes have some sway, but other times, like when we go to the doctor's office, rather than leaving (which is what my son wants) I hug and comfort him.  When he's upset I acknowledge why he's upset, by saying things like "Yes, that was scary" or "Oh ow, I bet that hurt" and proceed to dispense hugs until my son feels done with hugging.

Another thing I think is critically important is to not only allow but defend your child's right to say "no" (even if it's not verbally) to hugs and kisses from whoever your child is uninterested in hugging or kissing.   It's no-longer a display of affection if it's unwanted.

I don't know if I will ever allow my mother-in-law to babysit because she doesn't listen.  Not to me, not to my husband and most definitely not to my son.  The idea that my son should be listened to doesn't even seem to occur to her, and if it did I don't think she knows how.  I remember one evening she asked my husband and I "what's your problem with me?" to which we responded with "I don't feel like you listen to us!" her response? "yeah, yeah, what else?"

What else?

How can I even go into how little I understand our obligatory get-togethers*?  Why do you so urgently want to spend time with your grandson when you don't want to hear what your son has to say?  And I don't know how many times I'm going to need to say "no" before she stops offering to baby sit.  I don't like how she is with him when I can see what's going on, why on earth would I let her be unsupervised with him?

Point being: listen to those around you, you never know what opportunities you miss when you don't listen.

*that we have now cancelled indefinitely, because I hate the way she interacts with my child..  She is really bad at understanding what a child my son's age wants and needs and how he is able to express that.