Divorce

Realizing that forever was overly optimistic can be devastating for any adult.  It's hard to think that someone you have invested so much of yourself into will no longer be part of the picture.  But if you had a kid with your spouse before coming to the awful realization that marriage isn't working... I've got bad news for you.  You can move to opposite ends of the earth and still not be done.  A child links people together just by being.  Children being made of equal parts mom and dad will remind you of your ex when you have custody and will be on your mind when they are not in your custody.  I mean, you know your ex, you don't want to spend time with that person, yet you are compelled to allow them to spend time with your offspring.

And as big a pain in the ass as divorce can be for the adults in question, it can be a whole lot worse for the children who's family is no longer whole.  It's earth shattering.  Home doesn't feel safe if you feel like there is a war being waged.  Many children don't understand what went wrong and blame themselves. 

Don't let your child feel like it's their fault (even if you think it is*), let your child know that he or she is still loved.  Mommy and Daddy may not be friends with each other but Mommy and Daddy BOTH still love you.  This may require repetition.  

You may feel like venting about your ex.  This is fine and normal.  Go talk to your friends about it.  Don't vent to your child!  Children don't need that kind of stress.  And you will have a better relationship with your child if you keep parental politics out of the picture. 

And what ever you do try to keep any confrontations you may have with your (ex) spouse out of sight and preferably out of earshot of your child.  Witnessing your parents fighting with each other is terrifying and traumatic.

*if you think this is you're child's fault I recommend counseling for yourself and for your child (individual counseling)