Talking About Sex

“When are you going to have kids?”   This is a much more personal question than it may seem at first blush.  And so far my favorite answer I've ever heard tell of is “Nine months from tonight!”

I like it not because I think it’s a serious answer but rather because it implies a blatant over share.  That should make the person who asked feel uncomfortable.  I mean really, ask an overly personal question, get an overly personal answer.

When are you going to have kids sex?

Wow really you want to know when I plan to have unprotected sex?  Unless you are the person I’m going to have sex with I fail to see how it is any concern of yours when I have sex and whether or not I aim for it to be “fruitful”.

There are a lot of things to consider when it comes to starting a family.  Finances being high on the list.   Kids are expensive, and a massive time commitment.   If you are not going to be supporting this theoretical baby what makes you think your opinion on the matter is wanted or needed? Can you afford child care? Can you afford to quit your job? Do you have someone you actually trust who is willing to care for your child free of charge (for how long?)?  If the answers to these questions is failing to inspire confidence...  You might want to spring for a condom or any other form of birth control.

And on the topic of birth control, I don’t understand why the GOP seems to think safe sex is only for the promiscuous.  It’s also for married people who don’t want their family to grow indefinitely but also don’t want to live a married life of celibacy.  We don’t live in the bad old days where child mortality rates were high enough to warrant having seven or more kids with the hope that some would survive to adult hood.  I would also like to point out that it takes two to make a baby and so to say the entire process is all on the woman…  would be like a farmer trying to gloss over the fact that seeds were needed for the new crop to come in.

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I remember when I told my mother in-law that we were expecting. “About damn time!” was her response.  WTF?!?!?  I know my husband and I had gotten married in 2008 and waited until 2012 to give her this happy news… but seriously what did she want from me?  I wanted to finish school before getting pregnant because I feel like one source of sleep deprivation is enough for me.

Somehow my having a baby was about her!  Hell no!

Allow me to make one thing crystal clear.  When someone is having a baby, the star of the show is the baby and the costar(s) are the parent(s).  Roll credits no one gives a shit about the guest stars and extras.   

It's not about how you became a grandparent, an aunt or an uncle. And it is definitely not about you if you are a coworker of a new parent, or a friend of a new parent.  

Allow me to reiterate:  becoming a parent is about the biggest life change you can make and you are still the footnote. Becoming a parent means the show is no longer all about you, you've been upstaged by your baby. Try not to get too jealous. ;)