I know everyone says every pregnancy is different. But really, I guess some things just sink in better once you've experienced it. As I am still in the first trimester I can only compare that much of pregnancy to what I experienced the first time around. And I feel like the contrast gives better clarity not only to what I'm experiencing now, but to understanding what I went through before.
Nausea: the first time I got pregnant nausea and barfing went hand and hand. This time nausea is a sail that pushes me away from foods that didn't smell bad even to my pregnancy heightened sense of smell. It struck earlier into my pregnancy by about a week, but with it as my guide, this time around I have felt queasy at the thought of foods. With this as my guide I have been far more picky about my food this time around and coincidentally have yet to throw up.
I'm still just as tired as I was the first time around so that's nothing new. However finding better ways to deal with fatigue has become more important now that I'm looking out for more than just myself. With a small child to care for, my naps can only happen when he naps. Which never feels long enough.
So how do I find the energy to move forward now that caffeine is off limits?
Exercise!
But I thought you said you were tired.
I am.
Then how is expending energy when you are running on empty helpful?
Have you heard of "Second Gear"?
When you are tired it does not take nearly as long to make that uphill push into new energy. I push my son in his stroller up a nice steep hill and by the time we are going down hill again I feel much better. Granted it can be hard to convince yourself to get up and go, especially when your bed or couch beckon to you. But trust me getting out there will help relieve some (sadly not all) of your pregnancy symptoms.
I would also note that another difference between this time around and last time is emotional. The first time I was pregnant it felt like an emotional roller coaster. Everything was high priority and important. This time around, I have had my off moments and unexplainable tears but it's much less.
The smug part of myself would like to congratulate myself on heightened emotional maturity that getting this far has brought me... But the critical part of me simply raises an eyebrow and points out that every pregnancy is different and the hormone levels are probably just different this time than last time.
Monday, June 30, 2014
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Fireworks
Ah thank you my excitable sports fans. Even when I'm getting my son ready for bed, I know when "our team" is winning / has won, due to the impromptu pyrotechnics that occur in the yards of the neighborhood sports fans.
My son had a passable time at last year's 4th of July. Big lights and sounds in the sky, combine with a crowd full of happy people (chief in his concern, happy family members holding him). So though it was initially startling to him it wasn't too scary.
However the sound of fire works while daddy reads a bed time story were upsetting enough for my son (not yet two years old) to climb out of his bed and into mine. And so I held and comforted him until the last of the fire works died away (A little after 10 pm). After the noise and hugs stopped he was ready to go back to his bed, but it was a rough night. He woke up a lot and seemed to need a little more reassurance that he wasn't alone than he's needed in a while.
Needless to say, I'm rather tired and somewhat miffed with our local sports fans. Team spirit is fine! But are fireworks in a residential area necessary for every win? I mean not to be too much of a stick in the mud, but fire works are not even legal in my city. And considering that we are in the middle of a drought, randomly lighting off illegal fireworks sounds like an impressive way to start random house fires. Which would in turn cause more water to be used, as a fire needs to be put out. (We are supposed to be conserving water.)
All I know about the fireworks going on is they are not happening on my block, but they do echo like crazy. So while I can't pin down who is responsible for inconveniencing us with the boom of fireworks at night I can say this: I hate those stupid little fireworks, and the people who set them off. And the only reason I would like the ironic fate of those jerks setting their own homes on fire is because the houses in this area are close enough together that if one house catches fire, it's not unreasonable to worry that the houses next to them might do the same.
My son had a passable time at last year's 4th of July. Big lights and sounds in the sky, combine with a crowd full of happy people (chief in his concern, happy family members holding him). So though it was initially startling to him it wasn't too scary.
However the sound of fire works while daddy reads a bed time story were upsetting enough for my son (not yet two years old) to climb out of his bed and into mine. And so I held and comforted him until the last of the fire works died away (A little after 10 pm). After the noise and hugs stopped he was ready to go back to his bed, but it was a rough night. He woke up a lot and seemed to need a little more reassurance that he wasn't alone than he's needed in a while.
Needless to say, I'm rather tired and somewhat miffed with our local sports fans. Team spirit is fine! But are fireworks in a residential area necessary for every win? I mean not to be too much of a stick in the mud, but fire works are not even legal in my city. And considering that we are in the middle of a drought, randomly lighting off illegal fireworks sounds like an impressive way to start random house fires. Which would in turn cause more water to be used, as a fire needs to be put out. (We are supposed to be conserving water.)
All I know about the fireworks going on is they are not happening on my block, but they do echo like crazy. So while I can't pin down who is responsible for inconveniencing us with the boom of fireworks at night I can say this: I hate those stupid little fireworks, and the people who set them off. And the only reason I would like the ironic fate of those jerks setting their own homes on fire is because the houses in this area are close enough together that if one house catches fire, it's not unreasonable to worry that the houses next to them might do the same.
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Social
Becoming a parent is an incredible responsibility, but that does not mean you are obligated to hermit yourself away from your peers. As long as your friends are cool with your child you are set; you don't even need a baby sitter.
Now though there is an issue of creating a presentable space while there are children under foot, I would still recommend that the person with the youngest children host social events. (As far as the space to get together is concerned. Potlucks are cool and a way to take some pressure of sleep deprived parents.) The reason for this is simple, the most baby proof place will be the safest space. And I'm not just talking about for the children, (who's safety is all important) but also for the property of everyone involved.
Glass coffee tables and small children don't mix. Nor do delicate chotchkies decorating a space. I recommend keeping the kids in sight and out of trouble. (Play pens or baby gates can be most helpful for containing children and toys.) If appropriate a DVD could be set at low volume for the entertainment of the children while the grown ups talk.
Though I will stress that while it's cool to be having fun with your friends, stay accessible to your child. You never know when they might realize they need you. Or when you might realize that you need to intervene on their behalf to keep things safe and fun for everyone.
I'm not saying you need to micro manage your child but you definitely don't want your child to feel neglected. The younger the child the more time they will need with a parent. (Thank goodness for nap time.) So only invite friends who will be cool with you giving your child the amount of attention he or she needs while spending time with others.
I've sat around the table many a time with my son in my lap. So he could feel safe and I could stay in the conversation. Good friends will on occasion play peek-a-boo with my son while still talking to me. You don't have to be all one way or another. As long as tones stay friendly kids will feel comfortable with your friends. Don't push your child into being held or hugged by people your child is uninterested in or afraid of. Children are people too and deserve to have their personal space respected.
The only people we knew before my son came into the picture that we no longer have an interest in spending time with are the extreme "No Kidders" who complained at length about children when there were none to be seen, and the people who don't feel compelled to respect our child's boundaries. As a mom I have made the executive decision that only people who are capable of following my rules with regards to my children will be allowed to interact with my children.
Now though there is an issue of creating a presentable space while there are children under foot, I would still recommend that the person with the youngest children host social events. (As far as the space to get together is concerned. Potlucks are cool and a way to take some pressure of sleep deprived parents.) The reason for this is simple, the most baby proof place will be the safest space. And I'm not just talking about for the children, (who's safety is all important) but also for the property of everyone involved.
Glass coffee tables and small children don't mix. Nor do delicate chotchkies decorating a space. I recommend keeping the kids in sight and out of trouble. (Play pens or baby gates can be most helpful for containing children and toys.) If appropriate a DVD could be set at low volume for the entertainment of the children while the grown ups talk.
Though I will stress that while it's cool to be having fun with your friends, stay accessible to your child. You never know when they might realize they need you. Or when you might realize that you need to intervene on their behalf to keep things safe and fun for everyone.
I'm not saying you need to micro manage your child but you definitely don't want your child to feel neglected. The younger the child the more time they will need with a parent. (Thank goodness for nap time.) So only invite friends who will be cool with you giving your child the amount of attention he or she needs while spending time with others.
I've sat around the table many a time with my son in my lap. So he could feel safe and I could stay in the conversation. Good friends will on occasion play peek-a-boo with my son while still talking to me. You don't have to be all one way or another. As long as tones stay friendly kids will feel comfortable with your friends. Don't push your child into being held or hugged by people your child is uninterested in or afraid of. Children are people too and deserve to have their personal space respected.
The only people we knew before my son came into the picture that we no longer have an interest in spending time with are the extreme "No Kidders" who complained at length about children when there were none to be seen, and the people who don't feel compelled to respect our child's boundaries. As a mom I have made the executive decision that only people who are capable of following my rules with regards to my children will be allowed to interact with my children.
Friday, June 27, 2014
Conveyance
You can spend an obscene amount of money on baby conveying accessories. With a plethora of options how is a first time parent supposed to guess which items will actually be practical and what isn't as convenient as advertised.
Lets start with car seats, as you will not be allowed to take your child home from the hospital without one properly installed in the car you intend to go home in. You start with an infant carrier (which seems huge compared to an infant) you can even buy pads to fill the space some so your child's head doesn't flop about so much as your car takes the turns of the road. Be sure to read what the upper weight limit is as this will vary with manufacturer.
Then you have the standard rear-facing car seat, there will be a pamphlet telling you when your child is ready for a forward facing car seat. Though the general wisdom on the matter seems to be; keep your child rear-facing for as long as you can. Switching to forward facing when your child no longer has space to sit comfortably. We got a car seat that was usable both rear-facing and forward-facing.
After your child outgrows the car seat you then bump them up to booster seats. And there they stay until they reach the magical height of 4'9" (in the USA).
Now when deciding which infant carrier / car seat to buy it is worth going with the same brand as the stroller you might want to hook the infant carrier into. When brands match they fit together snugly and safely. And while we are talking about strollers, you will find your options are quite vast. There are strollers that only function as strollers when you latch your infant carrier to the top (like a basket on wheels). There are strollers that work well by themselves but allow for an infant carrier to snap into place. There are light weight umbrella strollers (a must have) that fold up small and don't cost much. There are jogging strollers with gigantic wheels and large price tags. And we haven't even touched on strollers for multiple children. (I have a strong preference for the strollers that line kids up one behind the next as opposed to sitting next to each other. As the former is easier to steer than the latter by quite a bit.)
Moving the baby without wheels of any kind is possible too. And again you will see many options. Let me recommend against anything with a big heavy frame. Your child weighs enough as it is, how much weight do you want your harness to add?
I enjoyed an admittedly cheap fabric harness that I wore as a front pack. You have the option of letting your child face in or out. Generally you start with them facing in and once they are better able to move their heads about you let them face forward. How long is this practical? I don't know, how strong is your back? Infants weigh next to nothing and it's nice to have your hands free while "holding" the baby going from point A to point B. Once the front pack is no longer manageable there are also a wide variety of baby backpacks that I didn't bother with but you might like.
As you can see there is a lot of stuff to get, which is part of why baby showers are a thing. If you get any baby conveyance second hand be sure to do your home work and make sure that it is still up to safety standards and isn't damaged.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
tooth paste
Strong smells and tastes can be hard to deal with while pregnant. And unless you've ever been pregnant you wouldn't necessarily think something as every day as toothpaste, could be a problem. Speaking from my own personal experience on the matter; I would like to point out that nothing quite defeats the purpose of brushing one's teeth quite like throwing up immediately after or during the process.
So how can you have minty fresh breath if the attempt to do so induces vomit? Well the short answer is you can't. However that does not mean you are doomed to bad oral hygiene. It is time to look for different flavors of tooth paste. And there is no shame in switching to a children's flavor of toothpaste.
Hey as long as your teeth end up nice and clean and you can save your delicate stomach from doing back flips I call it a win. Now one weird thing I will mention is that I had to switch flavors of tooth paste more than once over the course of being pregnant. Though I suppose it's not that surprising. What tastes good while pregnant has less to do with flavors you actually enjoy normally and more to do with what your child requires on a nutritional level. And since that changes over time your tastes will too.
Now some things will stay solidly in the good zone. It's hard to go wrong with pickles and ice cream unless some one tries to serve them up to you at the same time. And speaking of food. There are some food items that while are no substitute for brushing your teeth can at least make your mouth feel better between brushing. Apples and cheese (Not the soft cheese, you are not allowed to have those while pregnant anyway).
So go down the toothpaste aisle and let your literal inner child guide you when you make your toothpaste selection.
So how can you have minty fresh breath if the attempt to do so induces vomit? Well the short answer is you can't. However that does not mean you are doomed to bad oral hygiene. It is time to look for different flavors of tooth paste. And there is no shame in switching to a children's flavor of toothpaste.
Hey as long as your teeth end up nice and clean and you can save your delicate stomach from doing back flips I call it a win. Now one weird thing I will mention is that I had to switch flavors of tooth paste more than once over the course of being pregnant. Though I suppose it's not that surprising. What tastes good while pregnant has less to do with flavors you actually enjoy normally and more to do with what your child requires on a nutritional level. And since that changes over time your tastes will too.
Now some things will stay solidly in the good zone. It's hard to go wrong with pickles and ice cream unless some one tries to serve them up to you at the same time. And speaking of food. There are some food items that while are no substitute for brushing your teeth can at least make your mouth feel better between brushing. Apples and cheese (Not the soft cheese, you are not allowed to have those while pregnant anyway).
So go down the toothpaste aisle and let your literal inner child guide you when you make your toothpaste selection.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
The Grandparents
No I'm not talking about my grandparents or yours. I'm talking about your child's grandparents and my child's grandparents.
Depending on who you have to work with, they could be a gift from heaven or hell or anyplace in between.
So here is the check list to run past your parents and in-laws the more ticks they get the better. Feel free to show them this post.
The Amazing Grandparents who are more than appreciated do the following:
Depending on who you have to work with, they could be a gift from heaven or hell or anyplace in between.
So here is the check list to run past your parents and in-laws the more ticks they get the better. Feel free to show them this post.
The Amazing Grandparents who are more than appreciated do the following:
- Listen to the baby's parent(s)
- Do what the parent(s) dictate with regards to their baby (my baby my rules)
- Give the parent(s) the benefit of the doubt
- Give advice when asked
- Respect the parent(s)
- Respect the babies / children (people are people no matter how young they are)
Abhorrent Grandparents who might be at risk of never seeing their Grandchildren will:
- Demand time with the children that is convenient for them
- Do what they want with the kids
- Ignore or willfully go against the parents wishes
- Treat the child like a pet or toy
- Criticize the parents
- Resort to name calling or other forms of belittlement of the parents, children or both
I myself have been presented with a mixed bag when it comes to my child's grandparents. My mom is the favored baby sitter. My dad is happy to visit but not interested in doing the diaper thing at this stage of his life. My father in-law is fairly calm but sadly incompetent and my mother-in-law is not allowed to be near our son unless his father is present.
Four grandparents in my son's life. Two of which are interested in babysitting. But only one of which is actually trusted to do the job. Lets be honest here. I am not interested in making my son spend time with people whom I would rather not spend time with. I was asked if I would be willing to hold my tongue and allow my mother-in-law to have her fun with my son. And my answer to that is NO! And I'm offended that anyone would even suggest that it is an idea worth considering. I am the Mom! And I will fight to my last breath to defend my son!
So to all the discontent grandparents in the world. Work on improving the relationship you have with your child before looking to have a relationship with your child's children.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Out of Synch
You would think waking up early and skipping two out of three naps would make a child more than ready to go to sleep come bed time. You would be wrong. Skipping naps if anything seems to further ruin any hope you might have had at getting a full nights sleep.
I don't know how he does it. He will look tired. He will drink his customary warm milk and lay down. Then a sound happens, it could be my phone alerting me to a text it could be a car out side honking, or any other of a thousand sounds that might seem interesting to my son. Once he hears whatever noise he's allowed himself to get distracted by, it doesn't matter how close to falling asleep he was, he's awake now and impervious to any effort on my part to return him to the nap he is so eager to escape.
I've tried to make it clear that nothing interesting happens while he's napping. Hey sometimes I take those moments to enjoy a nap myself. Or whatever other mundane thing I would like to do but isn't really practical to do with an awake child at hand, who wants nothing more than to play.
After enduring a night that allowed only four hours of sleep, this pregnant mama, (yours truly) was looking forward to naptime as a chance to reclaim a few winks of sleep that had eluded me earlier.
No such luck. Without fail just as I feel myself slipping into the dream state my son wakes me up with demands for more milk. And so the tune goes all day. I know I don't fall asleep as quickly as some, but it saddens me, to be so close to getting what I want (some rest) and then not getting it.
I'm kind of sad about the nap I didn't get to take.
I don't know how he does it. He will look tired. He will drink his customary warm milk and lay down. Then a sound happens, it could be my phone alerting me to a text it could be a car out side honking, or any other of a thousand sounds that might seem interesting to my son. Once he hears whatever noise he's allowed himself to get distracted by, it doesn't matter how close to falling asleep he was, he's awake now and impervious to any effort on my part to return him to the nap he is so eager to escape.
I've tried to make it clear that nothing interesting happens while he's napping. Hey sometimes I take those moments to enjoy a nap myself. Or whatever other mundane thing I would like to do but isn't really practical to do with an awake child at hand, who wants nothing more than to play.
After enduring a night that allowed only four hours of sleep, this pregnant mama, (yours truly) was looking forward to naptime as a chance to reclaim a few winks of sleep that had eluded me earlier.
No such luck. Without fail just as I feel myself slipping into the dream state my son wakes me up with demands for more milk. And so the tune goes all day. I know I don't fall asleep as quickly as some, but it saddens me, to be so close to getting what I want (some rest) and then not getting it.
I'm kind of sad about the nap I didn't get to take.
Monday, June 23, 2014
Second Pregnancy
Being pregnant is hard. There are all kinds of smells and emotions and more wreaking havoc on one's sanity. Being a stay at home mom is hard. Being a 24/7 caregiver for someone still learning your language can be frustrating to say the least. Now put the two together and ask yourself why you thought this would be a good idea?
My plan all along was to have two children. Giving kid number one someone to play with seemed like a good idea on paper. Now the smelly diaper reality is grabbing me by the nose hairs and yanking. Yes I remembered being pregnant and having a heightened sense of smell. And yes sometimes diapers make my eyes water. Now baby farts that I hadn't paid much notice to before make me wish I owned a gas mask. These are going to be some long days ahead of me.
Sleeping can be a bit of a trick while pregnant. Getting up in the middle of the night to go pee can really throw off one's sleep rhythm. And though I'm am desperately tired, sleep often eludes me after I have gotten up. My hips hurt, and my stomach is rebelling and to cap it off my son (who's bed is still in my room) has a stuffy noise and is still too young for decongestants. I miss sleep.
Emotionally everything feels like the stakes are higher now. When really who cares when I get around to vacuuming? Apparently me! It's a big deal and I feel somewhat resentful of the fact that my son is still afraid of the vacuum. So I don't want to vacuum while he's in the same room as me. But my husband working a ton of over time isn't exactly home enough to play with my son while I do household chores. And now I'm trying to remember what they said last time I was pregnant about vacuuming. I think it was just my crazy roommate saying you shouldn't. And all the MD websites seem to think it's fine. So we will go with it's safe, but hard to find the time for.
I once again feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster, but now I have my son in the room watching me. So I feel like it would be bad form to have an emotional break down in front of him. Damn it. Last time I was pregnant I wasn't in charge of anyone but me. And if I felt like curling up into a ball on the couch for a few hours that's what I did! It's not even an option this time around.
My plan all along was to have two children. Giving kid number one someone to play with seemed like a good idea on paper. Now the smelly diaper reality is grabbing me by the nose hairs and yanking. Yes I remembered being pregnant and having a heightened sense of smell. And yes sometimes diapers make my eyes water. Now baby farts that I hadn't paid much notice to before make me wish I owned a gas mask. These are going to be some long days ahead of me.
Sleeping can be a bit of a trick while pregnant. Getting up in the middle of the night to go pee can really throw off one's sleep rhythm. And though I'm am desperately tired, sleep often eludes me after I have gotten up. My hips hurt, and my stomach is rebelling and to cap it off my son (who's bed is still in my room) has a stuffy noise and is still too young for decongestants. I miss sleep.
Emotionally everything feels like the stakes are higher now. When really who cares when I get around to vacuuming? Apparently me! It's a big deal and I feel somewhat resentful of the fact that my son is still afraid of the vacuum. So I don't want to vacuum while he's in the same room as me. But my husband working a ton of over time isn't exactly home enough to play with my son while I do household chores. And now I'm trying to remember what they said last time I was pregnant about vacuuming. I think it was just my crazy roommate saying you shouldn't. And all the MD websites seem to think it's fine. So we will go with it's safe, but hard to find the time for.
I once again feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster, but now I have my son in the room watching me. So I feel like it would be bad form to have an emotional break down in front of him. Damn it. Last time I was pregnant I wasn't in charge of anyone but me. And if I felt like curling up into a ball on the couch for a few hours that's what I did! It's not even an option this time around.
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Sharing food
We eat together as a family. And even if we all have the same food, the food on my plate is generally more interesting to my son than the food in front of him.
Lately he's been taking one small bite of each piece of food on his plate and then placing it on the table next to his plate. Which I find to be a little crazy making, but haven't found a good way to discourage the behavior that isn't excessive. Man, the things small children do with food can be enough to make any adult lose their appetite. The one thing that gets me the worst is when he decides to put his food into his glass of water. Yuck; it sends shivers down my spine just thinking about it. Now that I know that's his game, I've gotten better at preventing it. But the first time he did it... I don't even feel like thinking about it.
When he's not eating or making art out of his food, he's trying to put it in my mouth. Which I get. I put food in his mouth for a long time, why wouldn't he want to be like me and feed someone too? And while I appreciate that he wants to share with me, I still don't want him feeding me by hand. And more awkward still is when we are out to eat with friends, and my son wants to feed them. It almost goes without saying; they don't want to be feed by my son either.
I know he means well. And for the most part leading by example is what I do with him. I'm just having a hard time conveying to him that I feed him because he needed help. And generally speaking you don't feed people unless they need help eating.
I enjoy using utensils to feed myself. And my son enjoys using his utensils as drum sticks. But I think he's getting the idea. He doesn't always remember to touch the fork or spoon to the food before putting it in his mouth. But he's trying to do what his parents are doing with the whole food thing. It's just rather weird to watch.
Lately he's been taking one small bite of each piece of food on his plate and then placing it on the table next to his plate. Which I find to be a little crazy making, but haven't found a good way to discourage the behavior that isn't excessive. Man, the things small children do with food can be enough to make any adult lose their appetite. The one thing that gets me the worst is when he decides to put his food into his glass of water. Yuck; it sends shivers down my spine just thinking about it. Now that I know that's his game, I've gotten better at preventing it. But the first time he did it... I don't even feel like thinking about it.
When he's not eating or making art out of his food, he's trying to put it in my mouth. Which I get. I put food in his mouth for a long time, why wouldn't he want to be like me and feed someone too? And while I appreciate that he wants to share with me, I still don't want him feeding me by hand. And more awkward still is when we are out to eat with friends, and my son wants to feed them. It almost goes without saying; they don't want to be feed by my son either.
I know he means well. And for the most part leading by example is what I do with him. I'm just having a hard time conveying to him that I feed him because he needed help. And generally speaking you don't feed people unless they need help eating.
I enjoy using utensils to feed myself. And my son enjoys using his utensils as drum sticks. But I think he's getting the idea. He doesn't always remember to touch the fork or spoon to the food before putting it in his mouth. But he's trying to do what his parents are doing with the whole food thing. It's just rather weird to watch.
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Knowing "No Kidders"
One of the emotionally difficult things to reconcile one's self with once becoming a parent is the knowledge that many people don't like kids, and more painful still, some of the people who don't like kids were your friends.
And it's not even the blatant anti-child people you knew before you had kids that you are hurt by. You knew once your child came into the picture that they would be stepping out of the picture. It wasn't a surprise. There were no invitations lacking an RSVP from them. They said "No" and that's ok. No the pain comes from the secret "No kidders", the people who are too "polite" to tell you the truth. You know the cowards who don't want you to think badly of them, but are unwilling to let you know where they stand. I mean it's no mystery where you stand. You have a child. As the parent you by default should be on your child's team.
But what about all your childless friends? Are they legitimately too busy with work, dating, or life in general? Or is the real reason they have yet to meet your child, that they have no intention of ever doing so? These things are not clear. And even if you ask directly, you may find your self lied to by someone you like, because they think that this will some how spare your feelings.
I don't know if any of my anti-kid friends read this. But let me make it clear. If you don't want to hang out (you know in general), don't just say no to each individual event I invite you to, just say you don't want to hang out. I'll quit asking, you can stop feeling guilty about saying no. It's a win-win.
I just don't want to harbor suspicion against my friends who do want to hang out, but really can't fit me into their schedule.
See the difference? The second group of people I want to continue giving invites to on the off chance their schedule clears up. The first group is just wasting my time by not being honest.
And I will maintain that honest communication is critical for any relationship regardless of whether or not it's romantic. Tell your friends the way it is, and they will understand. The people who don't were not really your friends. Maybe they were friendly acquaintances who were fun to talk to, but they were never going to really be there for you. So why invest time into them?
And it's not even the blatant anti-child people you knew before you had kids that you are hurt by. You knew once your child came into the picture that they would be stepping out of the picture. It wasn't a surprise. There were no invitations lacking an RSVP from them. They said "No" and that's ok. No the pain comes from the secret "No kidders", the people who are too "polite" to tell you the truth. You know the cowards who don't want you to think badly of them, but are unwilling to let you know where they stand. I mean it's no mystery where you stand. You have a child. As the parent you by default should be on your child's team.
But what about all your childless friends? Are they legitimately too busy with work, dating, or life in general? Or is the real reason they have yet to meet your child, that they have no intention of ever doing so? These things are not clear. And even if you ask directly, you may find your self lied to by someone you like, because they think that this will some how spare your feelings.
I don't know if any of my anti-kid friends read this. But let me make it clear. If you don't want to hang out (you know in general), don't just say no to each individual event I invite you to, just say you don't want to hang out. I'll quit asking, you can stop feeling guilty about saying no. It's a win-win.
I just don't want to harbor suspicion against my friends who do want to hang out, but really can't fit me into their schedule.
See the difference? The second group of people I want to continue giving invites to on the off chance their schedule clears up. The first group is just wasting my time by not being honest.
And I will maintain that honest communication is critical for any relationship regardless of whether or not it's romantic. Tell your friends the way it is, and they will understand. The people who don't were not really your friends. Maybe they were friendly acquaintances who were fun to talk to, but they were never going to really be there for you. So why invest time into them?
Friday, June 20, 2014
The power of repetition
As my son gets older, I find him much easier deal with. He puts his hands up over his head without being asked when I help him in to a new shirt. He tries to help things go faster when I'm getting ready to take him for a walk. He will sit still in his chair while I put his socks and shoes on. Sometimes when going out is his idea, he will bring my shoes to me. He helps put his arms through the straps for his car seat and for his high chair. And when he's really feeling helpful, he'll walk himself to the changing table. And on rare occasion he will put his things away, in the baskets they belong in. (I love this new behavior, and try to be fairly enthusiastic in praising him when he does it without being told.) He naps when I put him in his day bed, with out protesting nap time.
How is he able to do this?
Well we have a pattern of things we do in a day and in a week. And he has found that protesting rarely changes my mind. Fussing will result in going through the full baby check list of what might be wrong. But if I conclude that the only thing wrong is his disinterest in the activity or a general lack of patience. (Hey things take as long as they take, and crying will not make the food in the oven or microwave warm up faster.) Then we continue on with what I have scheduled. And he can just deal with it.
Being strong and refusing to accept emotional black mail from my child has made it so that tantrums are (for the most part) a thing of the past. There is still of course the problematic meltdown if he manages to get over tired. But with patience and a refusal to be offended by it, I get him calm enough for sleep to finally happen.
What did I do during the time of tantrums?
Well I set him down in his play pen and left the room until he stopped crying.* At which point I came back and gave him a hug. This seemed to do the trick. Each time we did this it got shorter, until it stopped happening.
I would like to state, just in case it wasn't obvious, that having a clear set of rules and a weekly routine is highly beneficial not only to the mom looking for some peace in her day, but for the child trying to figure out what's going to happen next. It's comforting to have an idea as to what's expected of you, and what your day will have in store for you. This is also why at the start of the day I tell my son my plan for the day. And then give him updates throughout the day as events are about to happen or changes are made to the schedule that we had gone over earlier.
*I always told him I would come back when he calmed down and stopped crying. And I never took the toys out of the playpen. It was a time out, but it wasn't a punishment if you get my meaning. I was just waiting for him to calm down enough to interact with.
How is he able to do this?
Well we have a pattern of things we do in a day and in a week. And he has found that protesting rarely changes my mind. Fussing will result in going through the full baby check list of what might be wrong. But if I conclude that the only thing wrong is his disinterest in the activity or a general lack of patience. (Hey things take as long as they take, and crying will not make the food in the oven or microwave warm up faster.) Then we continue on with what I have scheduled. And he can just deal with it.
Being strong and refusing to accept emotional black mail from my child has made it so that tantrums are (for the most part) a thing of the past. There is still of course the problematic meltdown if he manages to get over tired. But with patience and a refusal to be offended by it, I get him calm enough for sleep to finally happen.
What did I do during the time of tantrums?
Well I set him down in his play pen and left the room until he stopped crying.* At which point I came back and gave him a hug. This seemed to do the trick. Each time we did this it got shorter, until it stopped happening.
I would like to state, just in case it wasn't obvious, that having a clear set of rules and a weekly routine is highly beneficial not only to the mom looking for some peace in her day, but for the child trying to figure out what's going to happen next. It's comforting to have an idea as to what's expected of you, and what your day will have in store for you. This is also why at the start of the day I tell my son my plan for the day. And then give him updates throughout the day as events are about to happen or changes are made to the schedule that we had gone over earlier.
*I always told him I would come back when he calmed down and stopped crying. And I never took the toys out of the playpen. It was a time out, but it wasn't a punishment if you get my meaning. I was just waiting for him to calm down enough to interact with.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Pregnancy Fatigue
Pregnancy can be exhausting. And it's hard to take the time you need to rest before you are far enough along to feel comfortable making an announcement to your family, friends and coworkers. And even if you are lucky enough to be able to stay at home while pregnant you may find napping difficult. Heart burn upon laying down and nausea when shifting your position can make life miserable, (and the world says you are supposed to be all kinds of excited about the new life your are creating) as you get all to familiar with your bathroom for one reason or another.
As the baby grows your innards are pushed aside to make room. Is it any wonder you are not feeling amazing? But what can you do? Walking is recommended, but when you are too tired to move that seems like a joke. And with caffeine on the list of pregnancy don'ts you need to get yourself some energy some how.
I found having small and frequent snacks throughout the day helped perk me up some (fruits and vegetables seemed to help me the most). And following my pregnancy cravings felt down right magical. Foods I didn't care for before becoming pregnant were suddenly immeasurably important and foods that had be on the menu for years were suddenly stomach turning to consider.
Aside from eating right (There are countless books on the topic), and eating more: you are making a whole extra person from scratch after all (which takes more energy than outward appearances may suggest). Getting some time in the fresh air and sunlight is also quite beneficial. It can not only refresh your energy, but put you into a better mood as well.
Keep your interactions with others low key. If someone is exhausting to be around a break from including them in your social calendar may be beneficial. Now I'm not saying to lock yourself away to the point of feeling sad and lonely. By all means, spend time with people you like. Just don't take hosting or traveling to a point of exhaustion. It's not just your own well being that must be considered. What you do has a direct impact on your baby. Which really should come as no surprise seeing how you are not fully separate entities yet.
If you are friends with a pregnant person, give them some slack. It's hard work both physically and emotionally. If your pregnant friend seems tired or upset do what you can to make the situation better. And for heaven's sake, don't just guess at it, ask and listen and do what she says. She may be visiting you, but lets be reasonable, it's not even on the same planet as being about you.
As the baby grows your innards are pushed aside to make room. Is it any wonder you are not feeling amazing? But what can you do? Walking is recommended, but when you are too tired to move that seems like a joke. And with caffeine on the list of pregnancy don'ts you need to get yourself some energy some how.
I found having small and frequent snacks throughout the day helped perk me up some (fruits and vegetables seemed to help me the most). And following my pregnancy cravings felt down right magical. Foods I didn't care for before becoming pregnant were suddenly immeasurably important and foods that had be on the menu for years were suddenly stomach turning to consider.
Aside from eating right (There are countless books on the topic), and eating more: you are making a whole extra person from scratch after all (which takes more energy than outward appearances may suggest). Getting some time in the fresh air and sunlight is also quite beneficial. It can not only refresh your energy, but put you into a better mood as well.
Keep your interactions with others low key. If someone is exhausting to be around a break from including them in your social calendar may be beneficial. Now I'm not saying to lock yourself away to the point of feeling sad and lonely. By all means, spend time with people you like. Just don't take hosting or traveling to a point of exhaustion. It's not just your own well being that must be considered. What you do has a direct impact on your baby. Which really should come as no surprise seeing how you are not fully separate entities yet.
If you are friends with a pregnant person, give them some slack. It's hard work both physically and emotionally. If your pregnant friend seems tired or upset do what you can to make the situation better. And for heaven's sake, don't just guess at it, ask and listen and do what she says. She may be visiting you, but lets be reasonable, it's not even on the same planet as being about you.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Reading
As a stay at home mom, my favorite thing to do when my son takes a nap, after taking a nap my self is reading a book to myself with out any pictures in it. Don't get me wrong simple stories and bright colors can be great when trying to engage my son in story time. But sometimes I just want to curl up with a book that's a little closer to my reading level.
It's like a mini escape from the routeen. I don't speed read. I take my time with my books, hearing the words in my head. It's relaxing. It's all too easy to get swept up in all the baby and house hold tasks and forget to take the time to mentally recharge. But really you are not doing anyone any favors by continuously putting off self care. If you run yourself ragged trying to get everything done. you'll burn out. And an irritable mom is not going to get optimal results out of anything. And worse still your baby will sense that you are not happy. Unhappiness decreases your innate mommy charisma and you may find a pint sized rebellion on your hands when you are least able to quell it with the grace and poise you might have when better rested.
So pick out a good read. And keep it near where you might nap when your baby naps. I find that I typically don't nap as long as my son, so I enjoy picking up a book and reading next to him while he sleeps. It has the added benefit of making my presence obvious when my son wakes up, so he doesn't feel the need to cry for me.
The rough bit is when my son wakes up and I am compelled to put my book down mid-sentence. Going back to all the mommy tasks that are done with an awake baby. All the while my current novel calls to me; begging me to come back and read on.
I love a good book. Many a night in high school I would take a flashlight to bed and read myself to sleep. When I was younger than that I would always ask my mother to read me one more chapter, even if she was coming to the end of the "one more chapter" I had previously requested.
Now the bedtime story tradition continues with my husband reading out loud every night before bed. I think it's something my son takes comfort in. And I'll admit to enjoying it as well.
It's like a mini escape from the routeen. I don't speed read. I take my time with my books, hearing the words in my head. It's relaxing. It's all too easy to get swept up in all the baby and house hold tasks and forget to take the time to mentally recharge. But really you are not doing anyone any favors by continuously putting off self care. If you run yourself ragged trying to get everything done. you'll burn out. And an irritable mom is not going to get optimal results out of anything. And worse still your baby will sense that you are not happy. Unhappiness decreases your innate mommy charisma and you may find a pint sized rebellion on your hands when you are least able to quell it with the grace and poise you might have when better rested.
So pick out a good read. And keep it near where you might nap when your baby naps. I find that I typically don't nap as long as my son, so I enjoy picking up a book and reading next to him while he sleeps. It has the added benefit of making my presence obvious when my son wakes up, so he doesn't feel the need to cry for me.
The rough bit is when my son wakes up and I am compelled to put my book down mid-sentence. Going back to all the mommy tasks that are done with an awake baby. All the while my current novel calls to me; begging me to come back and read on.
I love a good book. Many a night in high school I would take a flashlight to bed and read myself to sleep. When I was younger than that I would always ask my mother to read me one more chapter, even if she was coming to the end of the "one more chapter" I had previously requested.
Now the bedtime story tradition continues with my husband reading out loud every night before bed. I think it's something my son takes comfort in. And I'll admit to enjoying it as well.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Caltrain
Did you know it is against Caltrain policy to assist Ladies (or men) with strollers? They will assist people with limited mobility but not parents with strollers. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Caltrain, the reason accessibility is an issue at all is because there is a steep set of stairs immediately upon entering the train. Now this isn't a big problem if you are using an umbrella stroller and only have one baby: fold the light weight stroller, carry it with one hand and your child with the other. But what if you are not using a small stroller or have multiple children or both?
Tough luck.
Though you will not see it on there website, when I asked a Caltrain employee to assist me with getting my large stroller onto the train I was told that it was against Caltrain policy, but he would help me just this once. Now you might be wondering why I chose to use a large stroller when small strollers are so much more convenient when taking any form of public transportation.
Well the sad truth of the matter is I can't drive. I failed the DMV vision test (with my glasses on). So driving is not an option for me. However my husband can drive, (he was the one dropping me off at the train station) and my friend whom I was taking the train to go see can drive (she was the one picking me up). So with cars on both ends of this trip I needed to have my son's car seat with me. And it's not possible to hook up our car seat to an umbrella stroller. So I needed to use the big stroller to carry the car seat.
I suppose I would not have needed to bring the car seat if I had taken the bus after taking the train and walking the rest of the way. But that would have added an hour (minimum) to my travel time (each direction).
Now not all trains are as problematic as Caltrain. BART for example has elevators to take you from the ticket area to the train platform and once on the platform the train lines up flush with it. This makes it easier for wheels of any sort to board / disembark from the train. They even have the ground painted to let you know where the train doors will be (and the do their best to line up the train with them). Where as Caltrain has areas that look like they would be helpful in boarding the train (ramps leading up and handicapped waiting areas) but I have NEVER seen a Caltrain train line up with them. It is up to an employee on the train to visually asses if you are the sort of person they are supposed to assist as the train rolls into the station.
All and all it was a vexing experience that I do not intend to repeat any time soon.
Tough luck.
Though you will not see it on there website, when I asked a Caltrain employee to assist me with getting my large stroller onto the train I was told that it was against Caltrain policy, but he would help me just this once. Now you might be wondering why I chose to use a large stroller when small strollers are so much more convenient when taking any form of public transportation.
Well the sad truth of the matter is I can't drive. I failed the DMV vision test (with my glasses on). So driving is not an option for me. However my husband can drive, (he was the one dropping me off at the train station) and my friend whom I was taking the train to go see can drive (she was the one picking me up). So with cars on both ends of this trip I needed to have my son's car seat with me. And it's not possible to hook up our car seat to an umbrella stroller. So I needed to use the big stroller to carry the car seat.
I suppose I would not have needed to bring the car seat if I had taken the bus after taking the train and walking the rest of the way. But that would have added an hour (minimum) to my travel time (each direction).
Now not all trains are as problematic as Caltrain. BART for example has elevators to take you from the ticket area to the train platform and once on the platform the train lines up flush with it. This makes it easier for wheels of any sort to board / disembark from the train. They even have the ground painted to let you know where the train doors will be (and the do their best to line up the train with them). Where as Caltrain has areas that look like they would be helpful in boarding the train (ramps leading up and handicapped waiting areas) but I have NEVER seen a Caltrain train line up with them. It is up to an employee on the train to visually asses if you are the sort of person they are supposed to assist as the train rolls into the station.
All and all it was a vexing experience that I do not intend to repeat any time soon.
Monday, June 16, 2014
Kids at the playground
Going to the playground. It's a nice way to get out in the fresh air and see the world beyond your backyard. It's also a chance for your child to interact with other random children. What about when the other kid wants to fight? (Or don't understand the concept of touching nicely?)
Well in some ways that depends on how old the other kid is. Is their parent near by? Explaining that it is not ok to play rough with your child is a start, and ideally the other child's parent will intervene. But if they don't as an adult you can act as a meat shield by physically stepping between your child and the hostile other. And while ultimately you can not control someone else's child you can choose what to do with your child. First and formost make sure your child is uninjured. Maybe find a different part of the playground for your child to play so as to make some distance between the kids who don't get along. It's also good to talk to your child about how the other child was acting in a way that is not acceptible. (Basically do some damage control so your child doesn't adopt undesired behaviors from children who behave poorly in public.)
Part of our father's day fun included going to the local playgroud. Our son loves slides so he made a bee-line for the nearest slide and started climbing up the wide blue steps of the play structure. There was one other child on the steps, but they were wide enough for three kids to go up and down. So I wasn't concerned. This kid was three years old, so he was a little older than my son. The other child laughed and attempted to push my son down the stairs. My husband and I were near enough to keep my son from falling down said stairs and my husband physically got between the aggressive 3 year-old and our son. We explained that it's not ok to push people, especially not on the stairs. The boy's dad came over and took his son by the hand while my husband walked my son to the slide that he was so excited to go down.
After that we pointed out a swing set to our son on the other side of the park and took him to that. And once again fun was restored! Eventually the problem child made his way to where we were but by then we were already pretty much done with that part of the park and continued on.
Though we could not make someone else's three year old be less aggressive or more aware of the consequences of his actions (be a pain and no one will stick around to play with you), we were able to keep it a fun and safe experience for our son.
Well in some ways that depends on how old the other kid is. Is their parent near by? Explaining that it is not ok to play rough with your child is a start, and ideally the other child's parent will intervene. But if they don't as an adult you can act as a meat shield by physically stepping between your child and the hostile other. And while ultimately you can not control someone else's child you can choose what to do with your child. First and formost make sure your child is uninjured. Maybe find a different part of the playground for your child to play so as to make some distance between the kids who don't get along. It's also good to talk to your child about how the other child was acting in a way that is not acceptible. (Basically do some damage control so your child doesn't adopt undesired behaviors from children who behave poorly in public.)
Part of our father's day fun included going to the local playgroud. Our son loves slides so he made a bee-line for the nearest slide and started climbing up the wide blue steps of the play structure. There was one other child on the steps, but they were wide enough for three kids to go up and down. So I wasn't concerned. This kid was three years old, so he was a little older than my son. The other child laughed and attempted to push my son down the stairs. My husband and I were near enough to keep my son from falling down said stairs and my husband physically got between the aggressive 3 year-old and our son. We explained that it's not ok to push people, especially not on the stairs. The boy's dad came over and took his son by the hand while my husband walked my son to the slide that he was so excited to go down.
After that we pointed out a swing set to our son on the other side of the park and took him to that. And once again fun was restored! Eventually the problem child made his way to where we were but by then we were already pretty much done with that part of the park and continued on.
Though we could not make someone else's three year old be less aggressive or more aware of the consequences of his actions (be a pain and no one will stick around to play with you), we were able to keep it a fun and safe experience for our son.
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Strollers
I took my son to the county fair and made the mistake of forgetting the stroller at home. To call this turn of events inconvenient is a gross understatement. My son was happy to walk with me, holding my hand for the first twenty minutes. Then then his "change-me, feed-me" cycles began.
Finding a place to change him was a bit of a pain but nothing we couldn't handle. The problem came when it was time to feed him. Not having the stroller with us meant we couldn't just hand him a bottle and keep going, we need to find a place to sit and eat. Sit and eat? Sit and play was what he had in mind. And when we were finally done with the food game he didn't want to walk any more.
So I'm walking around the fair with my son sitting on my shoulders and he asks for milk again. If it were possible to glare at someone sitting directly behind my head that's what I would have been doing. And I ask, if you are so hungry now, then why didn't you eat and drink when we were all sitting at the nice little picnic tables?
Milk!
Ok fine!
I place him on the ground next to me and pull a bottle out of my pack and hand it to him. He drinks but doesn't really feel like walking while doing so. With a sigh we go back to carrying him. Switching back and forth as needed. Until we get to the animals. At which point my son is ready to run around like a chicken with it's head cut off! (Ironic because here we see the prize winning chickens.) I'll give him this, he was certainly happy to see the chickens and turkeys. "Duck-duck-duck!" (there were no ducks but you try explaining to someone under the age of two that though all ducks are birds, not all birds are ducks. Good luck!
We got to let him ride a small pedal tractor before they started putting things away. He didn't really want to leave it behind but I swung him around some as I walked away and he giggled like a maniac, forgetting all about what we had been doing before.
We were walking around the quilt exhibits and had made it half-way through, when my son again could stand to walk no more. He slumped to his knees pulling my arm down as he did so. At which point we figured we had had enough fun for one day.
So help me! I will never forget the stroller again!
Finding a place to change him was a bit of a pain but nothing we couldn't handle. The problem came when it was time to feed him. Not having the stroller with us meant we couldn't just hand him a bottle and keep going, we need to find a place to sit and eat. Sit and eat? Sit and play was what he had in mind. And when we were finally done with the food game he didn't want to walk any more.
So I'm walking around the fair with my son sitting on my shoulders and he asks for milk again. If it were possible to glare at someone sitting directly behind my head that's what I would have been doing. And I ask, if you are so hungry now, then why didn't you eat and drink when we were all sitting at the nice little picnic tables?
Milk!
Ok fine!
I place him on the ground next to me and pull a bottle out of my pack and hand it to him. He drinks but doesn't really feel like walking while doing so. With a sigh we go back to carrying him. Switching back and forth as needed. Until we get to the animals. At which point my son is ready to run around like a chicken with it's head cut off! (Ironic because here we see the prize winning chickens.) I'll give him this, he was certainly happy to see the chickens and turkeys. "Duck-duck-duck!" (there were no ducks but you try explaining to someone under the age of two that though all ducks are birds, not all birds are ducks. Good luck!
We got to let him ride a small pedal tractor before they started putting things away. He didn't really want to leave it behind but I swung him around some as I walked away and he giggled like a maniac, forgetting all about what we had been doing before.
We were walking around the quilt exhibits and had made it half-way through, when my son again could stand to walk no more. He slumped to his knees pulling my arm down as he did so. At which point we figured we had had enough fun for one day.
So help me! I will never forget the stroller again!
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Transitions
When my son was an infant he would fall asleep being held or not at all. And I found myself doing stationary leisure activities with a sleeping baby in my lap. In the beginning he was such a light sleeper transitioning him from being held to his bassinet felt like it had an 80% chance of waking him. Being sleep deprived myself I wanted him to sleep more, so that I could sleep more. So I would nurse him to sleep, and then (when I was doing anything that made sense) promptly fell asleep myself.
When I finally came to the conclusion that I was done being a food source, my son and I had an overly emotional disagreement. He cried and screamed when offered a bottle*, all the while tugging at my shirt. I had to leave the room, and let my husband take over the first two nights so that we could all get some sleep. By day three he was down with drinking from bottles, or at least had given up on me going back to the way things once were. Though one thing that mattered more than I thought it would was the temperature of the milk. Heating milk (enough for it to no longer be cold as opposed to actually being warm seemed to be about right for him) turned into a way to slowly teach him a bit of patience.
Teaching him to fall asleep in his day bed rather than in my lap for day time naps was tricky at first but extremely necessary. What I ended up doing was taking the pillow that had been in my lap for him, and putting it into his bed. This way he can still rest his head on the familiar surface without pinning me to my chair. Which is a good thing, he was physically getting too big to fit comfortably (for either of us really) in my lap.
I still do all of my computer work in the same room as my baby while he sleeps, because it does a heart good to be able to glance up from what you are doing and observe something that warms your heart. And I've got to say my baby is more heart warming to me than all the cats the internet has to offer combined. (I bet it's like that for most parents and their corresponding babies. Well minus the sociopaths, but who cares? Not them.)
*It was a bottle of breast milk that I had pumped earlier, because baby steps for both of us right? That and this isn't exactly something that you can stop cold turkey without being in pain.
When I finally came to the conclusion that I was done being a food source, my son and I had an overly emotional disagreement. He cried and screamed when offered a bottle*, all the while tugging at my shirt. I had to leave the room, and let my husband take over the first two nights so that we could all get some sleep. By day three he was down with drinking from bottles, or at least had given up on me going back to the way things once were. Though one thing that mattered more than I thought it would was the temperature of the milk. Heating milk (enough for it to no longer be cold as opposed to actually being warm seemed to be about right for him) turned into a way to slowly teach him a bit of patience.
Teaching him to fall asleep in his day bed rather than in my lap for day time naps was tricky at first but extremely necessary. What I ended up doing was taking the pillow that had been in my lap for him, and putting it into his bed. This way he can still rest his head on the familiar surface without pinning me to my chair. Which is a good thing, he was physically getting too big to fit comfortably (for either of us really) in my lap.
I still do all of my computer work in the same room as my baby while he sleeps, because it does a heart good to be able to glance up from what you are doing and observe something that warms your heart. And I've got to say my baby is more heart warming to me than all the cats the internet has to offer combined. (I bet it's like that for most parents and their corresponding babies. Well minus the sociopaths, but who cares? Not them.)
*It was a bottle of breast milk that I had pumped earlier, because baby steps for both of us right? That and this isn't exactly something that you can stop cold turkey without being in pain.
Friday, June 13, 2014
Wait list
It is never too soon to apply to a good preschool. The preschool that I'm interested in sending my son to next year has put us on the wait list. What does this mean? It means that I should have applied sooner if I wanted a guaranteed spot. This is a tricky thing for for first time mothers who intend to be stay at home moms. By the time you realize what age you are ready to send your child off to be cared for at a preschool you may be too late to get into your first choice.
This is clearly not a mistake I intend to repeat. When I am next blessed with a child I intend to get the paper work started straight away. For while I am not interested in infant care, I intend to make the preschool I eventually send my child to a certainty.
It's frustrating finding yourself on a wait list. The uncertainty can be hard to accept when it comes to something as important as who takes care of your child. As some one who strives for excellence in all things it's rather disappointing to find out you lost the race to gain a guaranteed spot. But I take some solace in the fact that anything can happen in a year and we are 2nd on the wait list. Wish us luck.
And keep in mind a year in advance is not far enough when planning childcare pre-elementary school. I'm just glad I have the good fortune of living across the street from a good public elementary school. And thus will be spared having to worry about a wait list of elementary school. All that said, I'm not going to waste any time when it comes to filling out his elementary school paper work.
I understand that some moms will use infant care as soon as humanly possible and get back to their jobs, and some will not stop taking care of there children until elementary school, while others still plan to homeschool. (And any other alternative I'm too tired to think of at the moment) I'm not trying to advocate going to preschool if you are dead set against it. Rather I am trying to give a heads up to 1st time moms who might be interested in preschool. Yes you can learn from your mistakes, but if you are so inclined you can also learn from mine.
To all I say good luck, and may all your educational goals be met.
This is clearly not a mistake I intend to repeat. When I am next blessed with a child I intend to get the paper work started straight away. For while I am not interested in infant care, I intend to make the preschool I eventually send my child to a certainty.
It's frustrating finding yourself on a wait list. The uncertainty can be hard to accept when it comes to something as important as who takes care of your child. As some one who strives for excellence in all things it's rather disappointing to find out you lost the race to gain a guaranteed spot. But I take some solace in the fact that anything can happen in a year and we are 2nd on the wait list. Wish us luck.
And keep in mind a year in advance is not far enough when planning childcare pre-elementary school. I'm just glad I have the good fortune of living across the street from a good public elementary school. And thus will be spared having to worry about a wait list of elementary school. All that said, I'm not going to waste any time when it comes to filling out his elementary school paper work.
I understand that some moms will use infant care as soon as humanly possible and get back to their jobs, and some will not stop taking care of there children until elementary school, while others still plan to homeschool. (And any other alternative I'm too tired to think of at the moment) I'm not trying to advocate going to preschool if you are dead set against it. Rather I am trying to give a heads up to 1st time moms who might be interested in preschool. Yes you can learn from your mistakes, but if you are so inclined you can also learn from mine.
To all I say good luck, and may all your educational goals be met.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Morning Sickness
Morning sickness. For some women "All day Sickness" would be a more appropriate name for it. Two weeks after gaining a positive pregnancy test this kicked in full for me. (Though I know some people who only took a pregnancy test because they were experiencing this all too common symptom.) For me getting out of bed caused me to vomit every day, until I took to eating a few crackers before getting out of bed. Though I still felt nauseated most of the day, with the feeling intensifying before bed.
There are things you might want to try to help alleviate your nausea. Just about anything with ginger in it seemed to provide temporary relief. I also found candies that were specially designed to make morning sickness less of a problem. (They were hard candies, and as long as a sucked on them I felt better, however when I stopped it all came back.) I saved the candies for car trips only, being in the car was hellish without them and tolerable with them.
Morning sickness paired with the enhanced sense of smell pregnancy provided made for a miserable first trimester. My morning sickness slowly faded away over the course of my second trimester to quickly be replaced by getting kidney kicked by my pending baby every night. (Until the day he was born.)
And because of this I was drained of energy most of my pregnancy. A situation some of my friends and family were considerate of while others saw fit to take offense where none was intended.
So for those of you who are friends with someone who is expecting, just try to think of it like this: Even though your pregnant friend outwardly may have the appearance of free time and somewhat antisocial behavior, cut your friend some slack. It takes a lot of energy to make a human from scratch. And the pregnancy symptoms make many feel like they are sick with one thing or another for nine months straight. (And that's if they are perfectly healthy throughout the entire event.)
If you're the sort of person your friend can take a nap around, you might be good for hanging out. Just remember when you visit a pregnant lady, what she says goes. It's what she feels comfortable with that matters. If she asks for help, by all means feel free to pitch in. Likewise if she tells you not to trouble yourself, back off! She is tired and has her reasons. Don't push too hard or you might be informed that you are no longer welcome.
I frequently refused help while I was pregnant not because I had the energy to spare for a task, but because I really didn't have the energy to undo what someone else so "helpfully" felt compelled to do for me. And I got to say it permanently damaged relationships when people did not listen to my wants and needs while I was pregnant. (Same can be said for people who did not respect my decisions regarding my son.)
There are things you might want to try to help alleviate your nausea. Just about anything with ginger in it seemed to provide temporary relief. I also found candies that were specially designed to make morning sickness less of a problem. (They were hard candies, and as long as a sucked on them I felt better, however when I stopped it all came back.) I saved the candies for car trips only, being in the car was hellish without them and tolerable with them.
Morning sickness paired with the enhanced sense of smell pregnancy provided made for a miserable first trimester. My morning sickness slowly faded away over the course of my second trimester to quickly be replaced by getting kidney kicked by my pending baby every night. (Until the day he was born.)
And because of this I was drained of energy most of my pregnancy. A situation some of my friends and family were considerate of while others saw fit to take offense where none was intended.
So for those of you who are friends with someone who is expecting, just try to think of it like this: Even though your pregnant friend outwardly may have the appearance of free time and somewhat antisocial behavior, cut your friend some slack. It takes a lot of energy to make a human from scratch. And the pregnancy symptoms make many feel like they are sick with one thing or another for nine months straight. (And that's if they are perfectly healthy throughout the entire event.)
If you're the sort of person your friend can take a nap around, you might be good for hanging out. Just remember when you visit a pregnant lady, what she says goes. It's what she feels comfortable with that matters. If she asks for help, by all means feel free to pitch in. Likewise if she tells you not to trouble yourself, back off! She is tired and has her reasons. Don't push too hard or you might be informed that you are no longer welcome.
I frequently refused help while I was pregnant not because I had the energy to spare for a task, but because I really didn't have the energy to undo what someone else so "helpfully" felt compelled to do for me. And I got to say it permanently damaged relationships when people did not listen to my wants and needs while I was pregnant. (Same can be said for people who did not respect my decisions regarding my son.)
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Fire safety
Children get into everything, grabbing anything they can reach. Kitchens scream danger for small children. Make sure that pan handles are always turned to the side and take precautions to keep your child from opening the oven. Make sure your child knows not to touch matches or lighters.
Once your child is old enough to talk, take the time to read some stories about fire; talk about the consequences and what to do if they ever get burned. Ask your child questions about fire and listen carefully so that you can determine what is understood and what remains unclear. It seems like the more you know about first aid the less you are inclined to do things that would result in you needing it. In addition to books there are videos you can show your child to help make fire safety accessible.
Take the time to make a plan with your child that spells out what they should do in the event of the fire, and actually practice it with them until they feel comfortable. Once your child is confident you can reduce the frequency of the fire drills. Having a practiced plan can help your child stay safe when they might otherwise freeze up or hide in a place that isn't safe.
Take a field trip with your child to your local fire department. Let them know that firefighters are a heroes that they should run to for help not monsters to run away from. Firefighters fully dressed to fight fires look significantly different when they are just hanging out at the fire house. Find out when your local fire department is having an open house so your child can see what firefighters look like without the scary emergency.
Once your child is old enough to talk, take the time to read some stories about fire; talk about the consequences and what to do if they ever get burned. Ask your child questions about fire and listen carefully so that you can determine what is understood and what remains unclear. It seems like the more you know about first aid the less you are inclined to do things that would result in you needing it. In addition to books there are videos you can show your child to help make fire safety accessible.
Take the time to make a plan with your child that spells out what they should do in the event of the fire, and actually practice it with them until they feel comfortable. Once your child is confident you can reduce the frequency of the fire drills. Having a practiced plan can help your child stay safe when they might otherwise freeze up or hide in a place that isn't safe.
Take a field trip with your child to your local fire department. Let them know that firefighters are a heroes that they should run to for help not monsters to run away from. Firefighters fully dressed to fight fires look significantly different when they are just hanging out at the fire house. Find out when your local fire department is having an open house so your child can see what firefighters look like without the scary emergency.
- Check to see if smoke detectors are installed on every level of the residence, and if they are maintained and tested regularly
- Don’t overload outlets by using multiple plug extenders or extension cords
- Use a certified, surge‐protected power strip and stick to recommended wattages
- Never run electrical wires or extension cords under carpets or heavy items
- Never tack up an extension cord with staples or pins
- Make sure electrical cords are not worn or frayed
- Never leave candles unattended and be sure to place them in a secure holder away from flammables and linens
- Cook only where it is allowed, keeping the area clean
- Do not leave cooking unattended
- If a fire starts in a microwave, keep the door shut and pull the plug
- Don’t smoke inside your room/apartment (especially in bed). Instead go outside and, when finished, make sure cigarettes are properly extinguished.
- Never toss hot cigarettes or ashes into a trash can
- After parties with smokers, check inconspicuous places for cigarette butts (e.g., under cushions, garbage cans, kitchen sink, etc.)
- Drink responsibly! There is a strong link between alcohol and fire deaths – not only can it impair your judgment, it can also hamper your ability to escape.
- Make an escape plan, identifying at least two escape routes from your room if possible. Learn the building’s emergency exits and don’t ignore fire drills. Student apathy can be a major problem with quick and efficient evacuation.
- If you have to escape through smoke, get low and go under the smoke to the exit
- Before opening a door, feel it—if it’s hot, use the second way out
- Use the stairs to escape a fire, never an elevator
- If trapped, call the fire department and tell them where you are. Seal the door with rags and signal from the window.
- Open windows slightly at the top and bottom, but shut them if smoke rushes in from any direction.
- Never reenter a burning building
- Once you are out and away from the building, call your family so that they know you are safe
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Because I said so
Never as a child had I heard words that made me more resentful. "Because I said so!" It rung unfair. And only worked in the immediate situation. Without a "real" reason to not to do something I frequently forgot that whatever it was, was in fact something I should not do.
Don't run with scissors!
Why?
If you trip you could cut yourself or someone else!
Oh, ok.
Don't jump on the bed!
Why?
Because I said so!
Two days later I'm back to jumping on the bed. Why? As a seven year old I felt invincible until proven otherwise, at which point I needed a parent to make it better.
Small children generally don't think things through and come up with a clear picture of the worst case scenario. If any thought goes into a child's actions it's the fantasy or a best case scenario.
What happens if you bounce on the bed? I have fun! No, but what happens if you bounce up but don't land on the bed? What if you fall off? That would hurt! It would hurt more than rolling out of bed because you would be falling from higher up. OH! Well I don't want that. So will you jump on the bed? No.
I know it can be hard to come up with good responses that are helpful to your child's better understand and future safety when put on the spot, or worse, when they play the "Why Game". But I would say that if you don't feel like you can come up with a good answer on the spot, you could say something along the lines of. "that's a good question, and it deserves a good answer, let me talk with (insert other care giver) and I'll get back to you, but for now it would make me happy if you did what I said". If you choose this line of ending the discussion, don't forget to follow up with your child in a timely manner. Keeping your word will go a long way to helping your child feel safe enough to be honest with you.
And as for the inane prattle that is the "Why Game" I give you this:
Why?
Why not?
Don't run with scissors!
Why?
If you trip you could cut yourself or someone else!
Oh, ok.
Don't jump on the bed!
Why?
Because I said so!
Two days later I'm back to jumping on the bed. Why? As a seven year old I felt invincible until proven otherwise, at which point I needed a parent to make it better.
Small children generally don't think things through and come up with a clear picture of the worst case scenario. If any thought goes into a child's actions it's the fantasy or a best case scenario.
What happens if you bounce on the bed? I have fun! No, but what happens if you bounce up but don't land on the bed? What if you fall off? That would hurt! It would hurt more than rolling out of bed because you would be falling from higher up. OH! Well I don't want that. So will you jump on the bed? No.
I know it can be hard to come up with good responses that are helpful to your child's better understand and future safety when put on the spot, or worse, when they play the "Why Game". But I would say that if you don't feel like you can come up with a good answer on the spot, you could say something along the lines of. "that's a good question, and it deserves a good answer, let me talk with (insert other care giver) and I'll get back to you, but for now it would make me happy if you did what I said". If you choose this line of ending the discussion, don't forget to follow up with your child in a timely manner. Keeping your word will go a long way to helping your child feel safe enough to be honest with you.
And as for the inane prattle that is the "Why Game" I give you this:
Why?
Why not?
Monday, June 9, 2014
fighting fair
Siblings can be bitter rivals and the best of friends (sometimes switching back and forth multiple times in the span of a day).
As the (hopefully) responsible adult in the story it falls upon you to help moderate and define the rules of conduct for your home and family. It also falls on you to determine the course of action required when these guidelines are not followed (for whatever reason).
Some of the rules my parents imposed upon my siblings and I when we were children at the time felt horrendously unreasonable, but through the test of time have proven to have been in our best interest. Here are two of my favorite rules that helped mitigate sibling rivalry.
No name calling
No rough housing
This not to say that we were abundantly obedient. Rather it lead our parents to keep things from getting out of hand.
The no name calling felt tricky at first, but lead to better arguments and understanding. When you are pushed to attack ideas and actions rather than someone else as a person it becomes a much more interesting discussion, as opposed to lobbing insults back and forth that can undermine self esteem on both sides as well as diminish the possibility of future cooperation.
"No rough housing" felt like a decree that no fun shall be had. So my brother and I would occasionally look at one another and say "do you want to wrestle?" (my sister and I didn't really do the physical confrontation thing with each other). But while my brother and I were in the same weight category we didn't have the best control, (we are talking about grade school kids here.) so it didn't take long for play fighting to become real fighting. So in an effort to preempt the tears our parents would separate us as soon as possible when we were getting rough.
One thing my dad did that put an end to our physical confrontations was sending us to martial arts lessons. With the understanding that neither of us were allowed to start a fight. And the discipline we gained made it possible for us to knock it off and give each other a break.
And the one thing that my mom told us over and over again was to "be nice to your siblings, you will be best friends some day"
It worked.
As the (hopefully) responsible adult in the story it falls upon you to help moderate and define the rules of conduct for your home and family. It also falls on you to determine the course of action required when these guidelines are not followed (for whatever reason).
Some of the rules my parents imposed upon my siblings and I when we were children at the time felt horrendously unreasonable, but through the test of time have proven to have been in our best interest. Here are two of my favorite rules that helped mitigate sibling rivalry.
No name calling
No rough housing
This not to say that we were abundantly obedient. Rather it lead our parents to keep things from getting out of hand.
The no name calling felt tricky at first, but lead to better arguments and understanding. When you are pushed to attack ideas and actions rather than someone else as a person it becomes a much more interesting discussion, as opposed to lobbing insults back and forth that can undermine self esteem on both sides as well as diminish the possibility of future cooperation.
"No rough housing" felt like a decree that no fun shall be had. So my brother and I would occasionally look at one another and say "do you want to wrestle?" (my sister and I didn't really do the physical confrontation thing with each other). But while my brother and I were in the same weight category we didn't have the best control, (we are talking about grade school kids here.) so it didn't take long for play fighting to become real fighting. So in an effort to preempt the tears our parents would separate us as soon as possible when we were getting rough.
One thing my dad did that put an end to our physical confrontations was sending us to martial arts lessons. With the understanding that neither of us were allowed to start a fight. And the discipline we gained made it possible for us to knock it off and give each other a break.
And the one thing that my mom told us over and over again was to "be nice to your siblings, you will be best friends some day"
It worked.
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Arts and crafts (with a kid under 2)
My son loves crayons, (ok so I still have to remind him not to put them in his mouth, but we are working on it) he enjoys marking up the paper, sometimes scribbling sometimes hammering away at the paper with his crayon.
I have to do some serious crayon managment with him if there is going to be any hope of crayon meeting paper. Mostly it's a game of limiting the number of crayons in his possession. He will, if given the opportunity, attempt to hold two or more crayons in each hand. Which wouldn't be a problem if he didn't get so upset about what color actually ended up appearing on the paper. All crayons being at random heights in his hand only one will reach the paper and that is rarely if ever the one he intended.
The yellow crayon clearly frustrates him. It is the lightest color in our limited box of over-sized crayons, and when he tries to scribble with it the coloring game loses some of it's fun. He will then mash the yellow crayon into the paper until victory (a dark enough mark to easily notice) is achieved. This little struggle is occasionally completed with the announcement "I did it!" (one of the few complete sentences he says with any regularity).
But much like with all things the key is practice. He does noticeably better with the task of coloring with each day that coloring with crayons comes up. Is he ready to color unsupervised? Let's not be silly. He's one and a half he's not old enough to do anything unsupervised.
I would also like to mention that coloring time is an excellent time to work on color recognition, "Which crayon do you want?" and more leading questions like "do you want the green one?" will help your child get the idea. And once they've mastered the colors of the crayon box you can start with letters, numbers, and basic shapes. The possibilities that open up with crayon and paper will rock your baby's world. (In the best possible way.)
I have to do some serious crayon managment with him if there is going to be any hope of crayon meeting paper. Mostly it's a game of limiting the number of crayons in his possession. He will, if given the opportunity, attempt to hold two or more crayons in each hand. Which wouldn't be a problem if he didn't get so upset about what color actually ended up appearing on the paper. All crayons being at random heights in his hand only one will reach the paper and that is rarely if ever the one he intended.
The yellow crayon clearly frustrates him. It is the lightest color in our limited box of over-sized crayons, and when he tries to scribble with it the coloring game loses some of it's fun. He will then mash the yellow crayon into the paper until victory (a dark enough mark to easily notice) is achieved. This little struggle is occasionally completed with the announcement "I did it!" (one of the few complete sentences he says with any regularity).
But much like with all things the key is practice. He does noticeably better with the task of coloring with each day that coloring with crayons comes up. Is he ready to color unsupervised? Let's not be silly. He's one and a half he's not old enough to do anything unsupervised.
I would also like to mention that coloring time is an excellent time to work on color recognition, "Which crayon do you want?" and more leading questions like "do you want the green one?" will help your child get the idea. And once they've mastered the colors of the crayon box you can start with letters, numbers, and basic shapes. The possibilities that open up with crayon and paper will rock your baby's world. (In the best possible way.)
Saturday, June 7, 2014
GMO
In a world where the majority of prepackaged foods contain soy, and in a country that feels no need to label genetically modified food, determining what is safe to eat is not as simple as reading the label on the box.
Through the scary process of trial and error I have discovered what soy containing products are safe to eat and which ones send me to the medicine cabinet looking for something to help me breathe normally again.
And for the most part I felt like I had discovered which brands were on my side* and which ones had joined the forces of darkness. Think I'm being melodramatic? (Isn't that what you love about me?) Seriously, think again. What exactly do you call injecting pesticides into the DNA of our crops? (Don't you dare say "a shrewd business practice".) Putting poison into crops and then labeling them as food goes way beyond unethical, and should be illegal.
Is it really so much to ask, that when I go to the grocery store to buy food that it not be laced with poison? I don't feel like I ask for much. All I want is for my food to not be detrimental to my health and overall well being.
Really it feels like a short sighted business practice to go off and make your customers sick. I'm not going to give you my money if you try to kill me! Because damn it I want to live!
But here I am, acting as royal food taster for my son to better ensure his safety. Not because my one and a half year old son has made dangerous enemies, but because GMOs are not currently labeled in America. So I take one for the team, and if I have an allergic reaction to the "food" I don't share it with my son.
Do you live in America and want this problem to be a thing of the past? Write to your local congressperson and tell them you want GMOs to be labeled or banned. (Which ever you think is the better solution)
*Though recently I was betrayed by a brand I had grown to trust, they changed their ingredients and I noticed not by looking at the label (that hadn't changed) but by having an allergic reaction. They should really have to say something when they switch from soy to GMO soy.
Through the scary process of trial and error I have discovered what soy containing products are safe to eat and which ones send me to the medicine cabinet looking for something to help me breathe normally again.
And for the most part I felt like I had discovered which brands were on my side* and which ones had joined the forces of darkness. Think I'm being melodramatic? (Isn't that what you love about me?) Seriously, think again. What exactly do you call injecting pesticides into the DNA of our crops? (Don't you dare say "a shrewd business practice".) Putting poison into crops and then labeling them as food goes way beyond unethical, and should be illegal.
Is it really so much to ask, that when I go to the grocery store to buy food that it not be laced with poison? I don't feel like I ask for much. All I want is for my food to not be detrimental to my health and overall well being.
Really it feels like a short sighted business practice to go off and make your customers sick. I'm not going to give you my money if you try to kill me! Because damn it I want to live!
But here I am, acting as royal food taster for my son to better ensure his safety. Not because my one and a half year old son has made dangerous enemies, but because GMOs are not currently labeled in America. So I take one for the team, and if I have an allergic reaction to the "food" I don't share it with my son.
Do you live in America and want this problem to be a thing of the past? Write to your local congressperson and tell them you want GMOs to be labeled or banned. (Which ever you think is the better solution)
*Though recently I was betrayed by a brand I had grown to trust, they changed their ingredients and I noticed not by looking at the label (that hadn't changed) but by having an allergic reaction. They should really have to say something when they switch from soy to GMO soy.
Friday, June 6, 2014
Immunizations
Deadly and highly debilitating pathogens are out there! Some can be gained from touch, some are even airborne!
Do I have your attention? Good news! You don't have to get sick! Many of the heavy hitters in the world of contagions have preemptive cures that you and your loved ones can take to ward off these preventable diseases. That's right I'm talking about vaccines. You should get them and so should your children.(And, you know, anyone you don't want to see needlessly dead.)
It's important that every one be immunized to maximize the protection for infants who are too young to be fully immunized against all the preventable diseases we have vaccines for. So follow your doctors immunization schedule.
Polio is not common these days, please don't be part of the reason it makes a comeback. In my life I've only met one person who had contracted polio as a child, the most noticeable symptom was that her legs were not even close to being the same length.
I could go into gory detail about how awful all the other easily preventable diseases are but really I feel that I've made my point. But just in case, stay with me I've got more!
Preventive health care is a fantastic thing. I mean you don't brush your teeth everyday to try and get rid of cavities; you do it so that you will not get them to begin with. Because getting cavities is painful and expensive to fix. Where as remembering to brush and floss every day is not.
And on a more self centered note. Don't you hate it when you are out in public and some jerk next to you is coughing out a lung? Living in a world where not everyone can afford the luxury of taking time to stay home when they are sick rather than going out and infecting the rest of us does not stop at the common cold or the flue. (By the way if you are pregnant you really should get your flue shot, it will help you and your baby not get sick.)
Now remember, I hate needles! I look away every time a nurse comes near me with one. But I will still get every shot my doctor tells me to because I loathe with every fiber of my being, the feeling of being sick. If I can avoid so much as a day of feeling absolutely disgusting, I'll take it! Poke away!
Do I have your attention? Good news! You don't have to get sick! Many of the heavy hitters in the world of contagions have preemptive cures that you and your loved ones can take to ward off these preventable diseases. That's right I'm talking about vaccines. You should get them and so should your children.(And, you know, anyone you don't want to see needlessly dead.)
It's important that every one be immunized to maximize the protection for infants who are too young to be fully immunized against all the preventable diseases we have vaccines for. So follow your doctors immunization schedule.
Polio is not common these days, please don't be part of the reason it makes a comeback. In my life I've only met one person who had contracted polio as a child, the most noticeable symptom was that her legs were not even close to being the same length.
I could go into gory detail about how awful all the other easily preventable diseases are but really I feel that I've made my point. But just in case, stay with me I've got more!
Preventive health care is a fantastic thing. I mean you don't brush your teeth everyday to try and get rid of cavities; you do it so that you will not get them to begin with. Because getting cavities is painful and expensive to fix. Where as remembering to brush and floss every day is not.
And on a more self centered note. Don't you hate it when you are out in public and some jerk next to you is coughing out a lung? Living in a world where not everyone can afford the luxury of taking time to stay home when they are sick rather than going out and infecting the rest of us does not stop at the common cold or the flue. (By the way if you are pregnant you really should get your flue shot, it will help you and your baby not get sick.)
Now remember, I hate needles! I look away every time a nurse comes near me with one. But I will still get every shot my doctor tells me to because I loathe with every fiber of my being, the feeling of being sick. If I can avoid so much as a day of feeling absolutely disgusting, I'll take it! Poke away!
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Diaper Drama
How you diaper your baby is important, do it wrong and you will have a mess to clean up. And I don't mean you did something stupid with the diaper while half asleep. Though in the early months the sleep deprivation will be amazing.
Also the diapering mistakes non-child having friends and family may make while trying to help out can be down right amusing. My brother babysat for us and managed to put the diaper on the baby backwards. (You would think that the diaper my son started off in would be a hint as to the way the next one should go on.) And one friend who will go unnamed thought the little ruffles in the diaper would be cuter if they were pointed out (for a ruffle effect) rather than pointed in to better contain baby bi-product.
Now with regards to the right and wrong I initially meant: I'm talking about how the diaper fits.
With disposable / compostable diapers, if the diaper is too big it will leak out the leg holes, and if it's too small it will leak out the top! And don't even get me started on the reusable diapers. We are talking about some serious absorbency issues. (And trying to take that show on the road is awkward at best. You need a place to rinse out the offending mess and then a water proof bag to contain the used diaper.) I have some friends who started out with reusable diapers, long story short, they switched to disposable.
Conveniently the boxes of diapers will list an approximate weight range that they expect will correspond with the diaper size printed on the box. And they are close enough to right that I don't feel inclined to make a big deal about it.
Beware growth spurts! While it's wonderful that your child is shooting up like a weed, keep an eye on how that diaper fits. (Or more likely how what was once a perfect fit is now leaving a warm wet mess in it's wake.) Just when you thought you had figured it all out, your baby went and changed the game on you. Though that observation tends to be true for more than just diapers.
Also the diapering mistakes non-child having friends and family may make while trying to help out can be down right amusing. My brother babysat for us and managed to put the diaper on the baby backwards. (You would think that the diaper my son started off in would be a hint as to the way the next one should go on.) And one friend who will go unnamed thought the little ruffles in the diaper would be cuter if they were pointed out (for a ruffle effect) rather than pointed in to better contain baby bi-product.
Now with regards to the right and wrong I initially meant: I'm talking about how the diaper fits.
With disposable / compostable diapers, if the diaper is too big it will leak out the leg holes, and if it's too small it will leak out the top! And don't even get me started on the reusable diapers. We are talking about some serious absorbency issues. (And trying to take that show on the road is awkward at best. You need a place to rinse out the offending mess and then a water proof bag to contain the used diaper.) I have some friends who started out with reusable diapers, long story short, they switched to disposable.
Conveniently the boxes of diapers will list an approximate weight range that they expect will correspond with the diaper size printed on the box. And they are close enough to right that I don't feel inclined to make a big deal about it.
Beware growth spurts! While it's wonderful that your child is shooting up like a weed, keep an eye on how that diaper fits. (Or more likely how what was once a perfect fit is now leaving a warm wet mess in it's wake.) Just when you thought you had figured it all out, your baby went and changed the game on you. Though that observation tends to be true for more than just diapers.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Smell
There is a lot going on when one first becomes pregnant, but one thing that will bother everyone is the heightened sense of smell that the mom to be now has. It's rough on the pregnant lady, obviously, it's her nose going nuts and sending back way too much information. It's also hard on anyone who is in close proximity to the pregnant lady who is now mad at them for bringing unwanted smells near by. The not-pregnant people may feel inconvenienced or put upon while the pregnant feel overwhelmed by powerful scents.
The worst smell that ever attacked my nose when I was pregnant was that of a skunk. We had left the window to the bedroom open all day (seemed like a good idea at the time) and I was headed over to close it, just as I entered the hallway that lead to my bedroom the smell hit me. My eyes streamed, my nose ran, and so did I. I could not close the door to the hallway fast enough. It felt like a chemical attack on my face, and the skunk was definitely outside. Coughing and gasping for air I made my way to the couch in our living room.
I was shaken. And my friends and family were confused. My husband left to close the windows later reporting that he couldn't smell the skunk until he was a few feet from the window. I was presented with scented candles in an effort to cancel out the smell that had clawed it's way up my nose and then died. But still as I used up the tissue box I was surrounded by looks of bewildered concern.
"It was just skunk..."
Just a skunk? Some far away smelly animal? It might as well have been mace for how well my body was able to tolerate it. (Not well at all.)
So what I am trying to express is this: if a pregnant lady asks you to remove an offending odor from her presence, just do it. This isn't meant to be a manipulative game. It's just smells and pregnancy go together like baking soda and vinegar. Just keep the vinegar away and no one gets hurt.
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Photos
Cameras, they're everywhere. On your tablet, in your phone, or maybe you still have a digital camera or even something as "vintage" as an actual old school camera that uses actual film that is developed later. Now I understand why one might be precious with their photo taking if film is the only option... but if you have access to any form of digital camera you might as well take as many photos as makes you happy.
Let's face it, your child will only be a miniature person for so long. And once you have a digital camera, taking photos is free. Take as many as you like, don't like the angle on one? No problem, try again. When taking pictures of babies I find it helps to use the rapid shot function on my camera. As long as I hold the button down, it's taking pictures. Which is great because trying to time the shutter of a camera with your baby's laughter is easier said than done.
I'm not saying you want or need to post a finite infinity of photos to the internet. (Or any for that matter if you value privacy) Basically you should take for granted that there is no such thing as privacy online and assume that anything you post online can be accessed regardless of your "privacy" settings.
This is why I don't take the ever popular naked baby photos. Bath time can remain a private affair for all I'm concerned. My basic thought for subject matter on baby photos is this question: Would this be a photo I would want taken of me at any age?
This is not to say that there is a lack of photos of my very young son online, I'm just trying to keep it all in good taste. I want to share photos with friends and family who are far away, not create black mail photos to hold over my son at a later date. Basically I want to avoid embarrassing my son in any way that could be thought of as permanent. And you should definitely think of things online as permanent. Once it is up, you don't know if anyone else has saved it onto their computer.
Let's face it, your child will only be a miniature person for so long. And once you have a digital camera, taking photos is free. Take as many as you like, don't like the angle on one? No problem, try again. When taking pictures of babies I find it helps to use the rapid shot function on my camera. As long as I hold the button down, it's taking pictures. Which is great because trying to time the shutter of a camera with your baby's laughter is easier said than done.
I'm not saying you want or need to post a finite infinity of photos to the internet. (Or any for that matter if you value privacy) Basically you should take for granted that there is no such thing as privacy online and assume that anything you post online can be accessed regardless of your "privacy" settings.
This is why I don't take the ever popular naked baby photos. Bath time can remain a private affair for all I'm concerned. My basic thought for subject matter on baby photos is this question: Would this be a photo I would want taken of me at any age?
This is not to say that there is a lack of photos of my very young son online, I'm just trying to keep it all in good taste. I want to share photos with friends and family who are far away, not create black mail photos to hold over my son at a later date. Basically I want to avoid embarrassing my son in any way that could be thought of as permanent. And you should definitely think of things online as permanent. Once it is up, you don't know if anyone else has saved it onto their computer.
Monday, June 2, 2014
Words
Every child is different, some are quick to gain physical dexterity, some pick up on words faster than others.... you get the idea.
I was so happy when I first heard my son say "momomom" (he didn't really know where the word should end at first, like wise "dadadadada" came not long after. Yes, No, Dogdog, Milk? Well it sounds more like "mack" but he means milk.
Mostly my son will attempt to get what he wants rather than ask for it, or if it is just beyond his reach he will point to it and guess a sound that he hopes will get him what he wants. Recently he realized that the dog he is most excited to see is name Coco. So now he calls out "Cocooo!" not just when this litle dog is near by but occasionally just looking around the house for her. (Coco is my mother's dog, so we see her often but not regularly).
It's interesting to see the toddler thought processes in action. My son will knock on random doors in the house calling for who he wants to open the door for him. (Even when he and I are the only ones home.) I don't have the heart to try to explain to him that doors are not like cellphones. He understands that knocking is a thing you can do to get someone else to open a door for you. But knocking does not make people appear who were not there to begin with, You want to talk to some one who's not there, you'll want to use a cellphone.
I never know what word will become the new important one that my son gets excited about. Typically though he will pick one word and repeat it until something happens. Last night was an exception.
We were out at a restaurant with the family. My son had been more interested in playing with the food than actually eating it. I was a bit annoyed. When the check came to our table there was candy on it (enough for each person at the table to have one) my son reached for it. I told him, "But Jonathan, you did not behave." to which he said "Yes I did!" I was so surprised I laughed. Normally my son does not attempt to use more than one word at a time let alone stringing a sentence together. It just goes to show, it's hard to gauge the extent of another's understanding, and children are full of surprises.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome)
My son was born 18 days before his due date; weighing in at 6lbs 1.2oz, and for the first five minutes of his life he required medical assistance to breath. It was terrifying. He and I spent his first week of life under observation and recovering for the most part in separate rooms.
When we finally made it home, I almost missed having the nurses around to help, (even the mean one who didn't like me) I realized it was now all on us. While I was pregnant I had taken all sorts of baby/ pregnancy classes (something I highly recommend) and all sorts of baby dangers loomed in my mined. Chief in my fears was SIDS.
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, sounds scary right? Like spontaneous combustion, seriously what on earth are you going to do to keep this from happening? They said that SIDS was uncommon but more likely in premature babies. I was still unclear if this was an actual medical condition or if it was some how a polite way of saying your baby died of gross negligence on your part. I mean really, a lot of the tips to reduce the likelihood of SIDS seemed like stuff that you would want to do for your baby even without this scary death threat:
So with the fear that my baby would spontaneously stop breathing I placed his bassinet next to my bed and watched him sleep. Seeing the rise and fall of his small belly was truly comforting.
*I think this is because it keeps space between your child's nose and whatever your baby might roll into and potentially suffocate on. And to be frank, most of these tips sound like "don't suffocate your baby, and do not let your baby do anything that might cause suffocation. Make sure your baby is able to breathe at all times.
When we finally made it home, I almost missed having the nurses around to help, (even the mean one who didn't like me) I realized it was now all on us. While I was pregnant I had taken all sorts of baby/ pregnancy classes (something I highly recommend) and all sorts of baby dangers loomed in my mined. Chief in my fears was SIDS.
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, sounds scary right? Like spontaneous combustion, seriously what on earth are you going to do to keep this from happening? They said that SIDS was uncommon but more likely in premature babies. I was still unclear if this was an actual medical condition or if it was some how a polite way of saying your baby died of gross negligence on your part. I mean really, a lot of the tips to reduce the likelihood of SIDS seemed like stuff that you would want to do for your baby even without this scary death threat:
- Babies younger than 6 months should sleep in the same room as their parents (not in your bed)
- Breast feed
- Always have baby sleep on their back
- No smoking
- Keep the room a comfortable temperature
- No loose blankets or pillows in the bassinet/ crib
- Let your baby use a pacifier when sleeping*
So with the fear that my baby would spontaneously stop breathing I placed his bassinet next to my bed and watched him sleep. Seeing the rise and fall of his small belly was truly comforting.
*I think this is because it keeps space between your child's nose and whatever your baby might roll into and potentially suffocate on. And to be frank, most of these tips sound like "don't suffocate your baby, and do not let your baby do anything that might cause suffocation. Make sure your baby is able to breathe at all times.
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