Knowing "No Kidders"

One of the emotionally difficult things to reconcile one's self with once becoming a parent is the knowledge that many people don't like kids, and more painful still, some of the people who don't like kids were your friends.

And it's not even the blatant anti-child people you knew before you had kids that you are hurt by.  You knew once your child came into the picture that they would be stepping out of the picture.  It wasn't a surprise.  There were no invitations lacking an RSVP from them.  They said "No" and that's ok.  No the pain comes from the secret "No kidders", the people who are too "polite" to tell you the truth.  You know the cowards who don't want you to think badly of them, but are unwilling to let you know where they stand.  I mean it's no mystery where you stand.  You have a child.  As the parent you by default should be on your child's team.

But what about all your childless friends?  Are they legitimately too busy with work, dating, or life in general?  Or is the real reason they have yet to meet your child, that they have no intention of ever doing so?  These things are not clear.  And even if you ask directly, you may find your self lied to by someone you like, because they think that this will some how spare your feelings.

I don't know if any of my anti-kid friends read this. But let me make it clear.  If you don't want to hang out (you know in general), don't just say no to each individual event I invite you to, just say you don't want to hang out.  I'll quit asking, you can stop feeling guilty about saying no. It's a win-win.

I just don't want to harbor suspicion against my friends who do want to hang out, but really can't fit me into their schedule.

See the difference?  The second group of people I want to continue giving invites to on the off chance their schedule clears up.  The first group is just wasting my time by not being honest.

And I will maintain that honest communication is critical for any relationship regardless of whether or not it's romantic.  Tell your friends the way it is, and they will understand.  The people who don't were not really your friends.  Maybe they were friendly acquaintances who were fun to talk to, but they were never going to really be there for you.  So why invest time into them?