The power of repetition

As my son gets older, I find him much easier deal with.  He puts his hands up over his head without being asked when I help him in to a new shirt.  He tries to help things go faster when I'm getting ready to take him for a walk.  He will sit still in his chair while I put his socks and shoes on.  Sometimes when going out is his idea, he will bring my shoes to me.  He helps put his arms through the straps for his car seat and for his high chair.  And when he's really feeling helpful, he'll walk himself to the changing table.  And on rare occasion he will put his things away, in the baskets they belong in.  (I love this new behavior, and try to be fairly enthusiastic in praising him when he does it without being told.)  He naps when I put him in his day bed, with out protesting nap time.

How is he able to do this?

Well we have a pattern of things we do in a day and in a week.  And he has found that protesting rarely changes my mind.  Fussing will result in going through the full baby check list of what might be wrong.  But if I conclude that the only thing wrong is his disinterest in the activity or a general lack of patience. (Hey things take as long as they take, and crying will not make the food in the oven or microwave warm up faster.)  Then we continue on with what I have scheduled.  And he can just deal with it.

Being strong and refusing to accept emotional black mail from my child has made it so that tantrums are (for the most part) a thing of the past.  There is still of course the problematic meltdown if he manages to get over tired.  But with patience and a refusal to be offended by it, I get him calm enough for sleep to finally happen.

What did I do during the time of tantrums?

Well I set him down in his play pen and left the room until he stopped crying.* At which point I came back and gave him a hug.  This seemed to do the trick.  Each time we did this it got shorter, until it stopped happening.

I would like to state, just in case it wasn't obvious, that having a clear set of rules and a weekly routine is highly beneficial not only to the mom looking for some peace in her day, but for the child trying to figure out what's going to happen next.  It's comforting to have an idea as to what's expected of you, and what your day will have in store for you.  This is also why at the start of the day I tell my son my plan for the day.  And then give him updates throughout the day as events are about to happen or changes are made to the schedule that we had gone over earlier.

*I always told him I would come back when he calmed down and stopped crying.  And I never took the toys out of the playpen.  It was a time out, but it wasn't a punishment if you get my meaning.  I was just waiting for him to calm down enough to interact with.